35 weeks down.....5 to go. And I am pathetic.

I entered a new phase of pregnancy this past weekend.  It is a phase in which I can take all of the discomfort from the last 35 weeks, multiply their intensity by some horrible number, and then experience them all at the same time.

I'm also complaining more according to Mr. Hottie. I hadn't realized it, but yes, I am. So I'm going to get it out of my system as much as I can right now so that everyone around me can enjoy my last few weeks =)

I was warned about those last weeks. But like most warnings, it is hard to take them seriously until the misery is upon me.

1. How can I still have 5 weeks left??? I keep looking at the calendar and counting the weeks and days yet again, hoping I've made a mistake somewhere...but I haven't.

2. She has moved to a different bedroom, so to speak, and is now riding looooow. And with that, she has room to stretch her legs and move like she never has before. I feel all of the pressure of her weight directly between my legs and in the southernmost parts of the southern hemisphere of my belly, but I feel most* of her movement in the upper part of the northern hemisphere.  If you see me and notice something strange about me, it's just the baby sticking her hand out to wave "hello!".  Disgusting image in your head now? Good. That's how uncomfortable I am.

*She is headbutting and/or punching my bladder and other tender inner parts that are not located at the top of my belly on a regular basis.

3. I identify with most of this short blog post.

4. I have also developed a funky cough, which freaks me out every time I have an attack.  I'm scared that she will fly out from the pressure of my hacking.

5. I'm as big as the world. Literally.

Enough whining...

1. I am going to really miss feeling her move inside of me and feeling like I am the absolutely most important person in the world to her.  I know that that part of our relationship will still continue to a point, but after she's born I'll have to share her affection with her daddy, and he is not exactly indifferent about her birth and the bond they will share. I'm already a little bit jealous ;-)

2. I am going to miss hearing Darren say, "Hurry up and be born," and "Isn't it time yet??" and "Not until you go to the hospital and make that baby come out".  His being so anxious and excited is very special and adorable. He's even trying to use it against me now.  We were laying in bed this morning, deciding if we were ever going to wake up completely, and I, of course, was hungry.  So I told him I wanted him to make me pancakes.  He said, "Are you ready to go to the hospital?".  Umm, no...?  "Then you get to make the pancakes". What a bully!

3. I am going to miss daydreaming about what she'll look like or how cute she'll look in her clothes.  I'm going to miss daydreaming about bathing her and smelling her head and kissing her soft baby fluff all over.  I am going to miss daydreaming about all the ideal parts of having a newborn in the house.  And, I am going to miss pretending like the cruddy parts don't and won't exist. Sleepless nights? Ha! Not for me.

I've reserved the right to lie to myself as much as I please.

4. I am so excited to finally find out what "IT" is all about. All of "it".  Labor, delivery, having the product of my womb to care for, breastfeeding, not sleeping, getting around with a baby, etc. It's a totally new stage of life for which I am feeling grossly underprepared, but I'm ready to figure it out and start the learning.

5. I CANNOT wait until her blessing day.  Why, you ask? Well, because I am actually prepared for something: I found, ordered, and received her dress already.  It is gorgeous.  I hope to have all of my daughters blessed in this dress.

6. I will miss the feeling of not being able to imagine being pregnant, much like I currently can't imagine not being pregnant.

O Christmas Tree

The underside of our tree had many a Christmas present to bear. It almost looked excessive, but really, it wasn't.

Mr. Hottie wins the prize for being the best at gift giving (all except that Star Trek movie...unless his gift was really Chris Pine, in which case, nicely done). He's really good at just KNOWING.  I envy him for it.

That boy got me a nook, jewelry, a jewelry tree stand, sewing machine, several movies, a few games for the Xbox (guess who is going to start dancing away her baby weight in a few months with her fancy new games? And nobody will eeeever have to see it), a couple of books, a cool mug, and the most adorable little Banana Republic baby shoes you've ever seen in your life.  To quote my little sister, "Your baby can walk across my face in those shoes, they are so soft and cute".  I don't know why, but that sums up just how awesome the shoes are.

I hope I didn't forget to list anything.... (sorry if I did, Darren =))

His haul wasn't too shabby either, though my gift that I thought was so cool......he already owns.  So, scratch that.  We will be returning it and replacing it with something else.  Then all will be right with the world.

He threatened to buy even more gifts next year.  Not for me of course, but for our baby.  I tried to convince him that she wouldn't even be a year old by then, but he went deaf on me.

Heaven help us all. This kid gon' get spoilt.

It's hard to win a battle of wits with a child

Scene: 
On the couch in my parents' living room.

Characters: 
Nathaniel, age 8; is tugging on the arm of the couch until the very last line
Uncle Darren, age 27; lounging on the couch like he is never going to get up again
Aunt Emily, age 24; lounging very similarly to Uncle Darren, but willing to move upon request

Nathaniel: Hey, can you get off the couch? I need to pull it out from the wall and get back there to get something.

Aunt Emily immediately pulls herself off the couch.

Nathaniel: Uncle Darren.  Uncle Darren!

Aunt Emily: Darren, he's trying to talk to you.

Uncle Darren (having been distracted by another conversation): Oh, I'm sorry, what do you need?

Nathaniel: I need you to get off the couch so I can move it.

Uncle Darren: You mean you can't lift it with me on it?

Nathaniel: No...

Uncle Darren: I can lift it with you on it.

Nathaniel:  Exhibits a very contemplative expression

Uncle Darren: Exhibits a very cocky expression

Nathaniel (with an air of total triumph and a huge grin, while walking away from the couch): Okay, you do it!

Uncle Darren immediately flew off the couch.

This post is whiny and not whiny. I apologize for your whiplash.

1. Good news! Darren will still get to play his X-box on Christmas since the world didn't end.  I foresee a very early morning for the Texas Browns next Tuesday...

2. And just for the record, I was totally on the pot when the appointed time for apocalypse passed. I can't think of a better way to have spent that moment.

3. Of course this means we have to pay rent next month, and I won't deny that there was a liiiiiiiiiittle part of me willing to make that trade.

4. I told him I wouldn't get all ridiculous and blog about this, but it turns out I can't stop myself: my baby daddy FINALLY felt the baby kick! After weeks and months of, "Put your hand right here! Now! Look, my tummy is dancing! Aaagh! Why does she stop moving right when you look or touch!", my efforts have finally paid off ( ;-) ). I do believe this will make me a slightly less needy baby momma when it comes to begging him to spend time trying to feel her move. I know this sounds weird, but in the moment I knew he had to have felt her (of course he refused to confirm or deny any alleged feeling for several minutes.....torture), it really became real. She isn't just this baby growing in my gut, but she is OUR baby.  She kicked HIS hand.  In a weird way I feel like their bonding process has officially begun, and for some reason that means so much to me. I know that the bond I feel with her is intense, and it feels as though it has always been there, but that is largely because she is inside of me.....and I can't escape her.  To quote Gloria from a recent episode of Modern Family, "I am always in front of the baby!". I cannot comprehend when or how bonding takes place or is supposed to begin for fathers.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that now that she has become more tangible to him than a massive belly on his wife, I can feel like she is real for both of us.

I cannot wait to see him be a daddy.

5. I was really hoping I could feel like this the whole pregnancy:

Not so.

6. I cannot wait to stop feeling so large, for the back and hip pain to take a chill pill, to stop bumping my tummy into people and things, to wear my wedding ring again, to stop hearing, "You're due when?? Are you going to go that long??", to roll over comfortably in bed again, to not have to get out of bed clutching my tummy because it feels like it will fall off if I don't, to not have to grunt like a constipated troll every time I put on my tennis shoes or my boots--slip on moccasin house slippers don't cut it for every occasion, to stop having to forego the boots because my ankles are too swollen, to stop feeling handicapped every time I need to get something out of a high or low place, to stop running out of breath or energy simply because I haven't paused to rest in 5 minutes, to stop having to gasp and hold my breath in public every time she does something unexpected--like arm wrestling my spleen, for instance.

7. I can wait for the end of all the congratulations, sweet looks, and sympathetic expressions I get from strangers.  I know I'd feel sorry for this:

My shirts have stopped covering the stretchy part of my pants too. Couldn't look sexier if I tried.

8. Don't get me wrong--I am nothing if not grateful for this opportunity.  But I can't pretend it isn't miserable a lot of the time.  And I hear it's only going to get worse from here on out.  I find that hard to imagine.

9.  I attribute most of my pain to this scenario:

She wants out.

10. And I'm going to have to clip those nails of her ASAPAB.

11. I missed the memo about a gift exchange at our work dinner last night.  I'm the best coworker ever! So I walked away with really awesome hair products, a Willow Tree statuette, and a small pile of freshly purchased and adorable baby outfits.

They got nothing from me. I'll make it up to them somehow. At least there are only 4 of them, and two are married, so I can wiggle that down to three.

12. Baby had an appendage stuck in my ribs while I was trying to sleep the other morning (very early morning).  The entirety of that dream involved me sitting on those uncomfortable church pews trying my very hardest to get comfortable even though I could feel her so squarely in my rib cage.  When I finally woke up and discovered it was true, the real, physical discomfort was almost enough to make me vomit. I flopped into a different position as quickly as I could and noogied her (through my ribs, of course) to encourage her to squirm into a better position.

13. 6 WEEKS LEFT AS OF TOMORROW! Time is flying.  And crawling.  Forget Houdini, time is a much more impressive magician.

14. I don't think I'm a nester.  Who wants to come fold all the baby clothes I have that need to be put away? And while you're at it, rearrange our dresser situation so that there is a place to put it all?

15. Despite our incomplete stockings and tree decorations (next Christmas we will have everything we want....the first newlywed Christmas is supposed to be ragtag, right?? =)), I love our little Christmas corner.

MERRY CHRISTMAS! 

Love, 

Darren, Emily, and Baby

Just in case you haven't peed your pants yet...

Freezing my buns off

I'm so excited about this cold front...I really hope it decides to stick around for a few months.  In all the excitement, I decided that it is safe to open my window at night again! Hooray for natural cooling!

Darren insisted it was a silly idea.  It is too cold for that.

Too cold? Nonsense. Nothing is too cold for a sweaty, pregnant Emily--especially at night.

Boy, was I wrong.

Problem is, I can't close the window myself.  It is too tough.  So as soon as I knew Darren's final alarm had gone off this morning I shoved my hands under his back commenting on how so very warm he is (he generates heat like a space heater, but since we have a bigger bed now his heat does me no good unless I am touching him, which makes it hard for us to sleep. Hence, the need for a gigantic bed in which we have our own space to dwell).

He simply rolls his head towards me and says in a sleepy voice, "D'you learn your lesson?".

Yes, jerk*. I did. Now please close the window. And good morning to you too.

I'm certain it become ten degrees less cold in the room within a half hour.

Lesson learned? Darren is right when it comes to the outside temperature and window relationship. Heed his snarky remarks regarding such, and I will never freeze my buns off again.


*I insult him with nothing but the deepest love and affection from the bottom of my heart =) ...for the record, he closed my window right away.  What a hunk.

H2O

I just have to brag real quickly about how I'm staying on top of my water intake like a boss.

I know....the wee one is due in 8 weeks, and I'm JUST now keeping track. Two days, to be precise.

Well, for your info it is getting harder to be lazy about it.  I am really noticing when I feel less hydrated. Boo on that!

That being said, it isn't even 6 o'clock and I've exceeded my daily goal. BAM!

Take that, self.

The Great Bambina is BORED

1.  I feel like the baby and I are both bored with this pregnancy.  Her behavior this week has become what can only be described as hyper.  She is exploring new places inside of me that have never been quite so abused, and she is moving SO MUCH. Like, most of the day.  I think that perhaps her sense of "of course it fits" is just as bad as mine....I'm the worst at judging whether or not I will be able to squeeze into/through certain spaces (like, between an occupied chair and a wall....for some reason I think I can suck in my ribs).  Anyway, she is stretching me in ways that I can't help but think, "Really? YOU DON'T FIT THERE. Now get back in the middle of my tummy where you don't hurt me."

We already have a sassy dialogue going between the two of us. Besties for life.

2.  I think I had my first two painful Braxton Hicks while sleeping last night.  Either that or she was practicing fencing in there.  In either case, I was sleeping and the pain woke me up enough to consider those options and then fall back asleep.  I'm going with the BH since I had a few of those during an Awake Time.

3.  My nights are currently divided into three sections: Sleep Time, Bathroom Time, and Awake Time.

Sleep Time:

When I am sleeping...obviously.

Bathroom Time:

When I am up long enough to walk to the bathroom, use the facilities, and walk back to the bed.

Awake Time:

Any time spent conscious that is not included in Bathroom Time, i.e. time spent laying in bed trying to sleep, time spent laying in bed playing on my phone because I can't sleep, time spent turning over and over in hopes I will get comfy, time spent laying there feeling the baby turn herself into whatever awesome position she feels like at the moment--usually prevents a speedy fall asleep time for her dear mom, time spent sitting on the kitchen floor with a bottle of water and a sleeve of crackers, and time spent watching TV when normal people are sleeping

I love Sleep Time. I am inconvenienced by Bathroom Time.  I have peacefully resigned myself to the throws of Awake Time.  I no longer lay there angry about it, but have accepted it as my lot. This is partly because by the time my alarm is squawking I am excessively exhausted no matter how much sleep I get (or don't get).

4. I went in for blood work yesterday and had the best phlebotomist.  I didn't feel hardly anything...she's a champ.

5. I am so excited for our first and last Christmas without kids. I feel like it is extra magical because it is our first married one, and it is 100% overshadowed with the expectation of having a little one just old enough to enjoy the merriment of next year's Christmas. Even though she won't remember it, she'll be old enough to harrass the Christmas tree, the presents, and anything else she can reach, and we'll get to experience her giggles while she does all that. I already can't wait to take pictures of it!

6. David comes home next week. Oh. My. Goodness. No offense to my other brothers, but I've never been so excited to have a sibling missionary return. It's going to be so weird. I can't wait.

I laugh so hard when I read this.   His snarky attitude is so apparent throughout the whole thing. I'm really interested to know how David of the Future (who has turned into David of the Present) reacts when he reads that again....according to his letters he's already become more of a sap than he ever planned on becoming, so I imagine that the last comment he wrote to himself will come true.

The Automated Lady

"Thank you for calling the Blue Cross Blue Shield Provider Services Line...what is your NPI? What is the member ID/date of birth/eye color/deepest secret?

"You are calling on member, Emily."  (we'll use my name as our example)

"Before we get started, say the option you would like to hear. Claims, covera--"

"Coverage and benefits."

"I'm sorry, but I did not understand you.  To hear about claims, press 1.  For coverage and benefits, press 2--"

Coverage and benefits.

"Claims mailing address. Is this the correct choice?"

"No, COV-ER-AGE AND BEN-EF-ITS."

"I'm sorry, but I did not understand you. To hear about claims, press 1.  For coverage and benefits, press 2--"

Finger slams on the "2" key.

"Alright, coverage and benefits."

Finger slams ont the "0" key.

"We can connect you to a customer service advocate only after making you suffer through a hundred more years of our automated system.   Would you like to repeat that or return to main menu?"

"Neither."

"If you are finished, you may hang up."

"Rude....I'm not. Customer service."

"Before we get started, say the option you would like to hear..."

"Gahhh! Coverage and benefits!"

"Claims. Is this the correct choice?

"NO."

Silence

"If you are finished, you may hang up."

"But I'm NOT!"

"Before we get started, say the option you would like to hear..."

"Coverage and benefits."

"Coverage and benefits.  Is this the correct choice?"

"Yes! Finally, yes!"

The Automated Lady gives me all the info she can about the patient's chiropractic coverage

"Would you like a faxed confirmation of these benefits?"

"No. Customer service."

"Okay, please wait a moment while I connect with a customer advocate."

"Hallelujah!"

Sit on hold for.............forever so that I can collect the information that FOR SOME REASON The Automated Lady doesn't know.

Finally get through to someone.

Wrap it up in under 90 seconds.

All I needed was a human to speak with from the beginning, obviously.

Just when you thought you knew everything about me...

1. Driving to my parents' on Sunday, Darren asked me a hundred billion questions about my opinions on the Mayan calendar and our impending doom.

I didn't really have any, but I developed some theories on the spot.  It was an interesting conversation.

His final statement was this:

"Well, don't you think that if the world is going to end on December 21st that you really ought to let me play the new Xbox on the 20th? Christmas will be too late..."

Clever boy.  Wish I could say I saw that coming, but I didn't.

Merry Christmas, err'body, just in case it doesn't come this year.

2. (In no way do I think that the world is ending on the 21st)

3. I got the flu vaccine yesterday.  The injection site is sore.  

4. The last real shot I got also left my arm sore, except it also swelled up to the size of a massive golf ball on my arm, so really, "sore" is an understatement.  Incidentally, I remembered yesterday that it has been 10 years since I received a tetanus booster. 

5. If you have any research and/or lectures as to why the flu vaccine is the absolute worst thing we can do to our bodies, put a sock in it.  It can't be undone, and I made an informed decision. So booooyahhhh.

6. I have a gnarly razor blade stretch mark design growing around my belly button.  It's actually kind of cool, which I'm thinking is a major tender mercy.

7. What is the proper way to refer to TUMS in the singular? I had one left yesterday, and I texted Darren asking that he bring me my last remaining "TUM", and debated forever on whether that looked dumb. I honestly don't care, but it did make me laugh.

8. He wasn't able to stop at home before coming to the office, so when he showed up carrying a brand spankin' new bottle of TUMS, my heart skipped a beat.  I had already resigned myself to a TUMSless existence.  He's so sweet.  

And yes, I kissed him.  Just in time for one of our she-patients and the doctor to be coming out of the adjusting room.  The she-patient called us out on PDA.  However, she was very understanding when I waved the bottle in front of her face.  Mostly, she just laughed, but I take it to mean she understood.

9. I signed up for childbirth education classes at the hospital where I'll be delivering!  Julie is going to be coming with me...I couldn't be more pumped.  I don't know why, but I feel like that is about the coolest thing we could do together.....and I'm pretty sure that makes me psycho.  However, I think having her there will make it easier for me to be less bored and not have to feel guilty because Darren is so bored.  Because when Darren is bored, nary a soul in the room DOESN'T know it.  Julie and I are more mature than that ;-)

10. I had another OB appointment this week, wherein I learned that I have a slightly narrow pelvis.

I couldn't explain the emotion those words produced without using the word "defective". 

I was like, "Wait! How can this be?! I'm a HILTON! Hiltons have big babies, and I was bred to have big babies!"

(I don't know if my baby will be big, I just know I should be capable of delivering fatties).

Dr. L wasn't trying to alarm me, it was more of a keep-this-in-the-back-of-your-head fact share, so that I wouldn't be surprised down the road. 

I went home from the appointment and spent some time blog-stalking. While stalking Erin's blog, I noticed one of her three little icons that she has at the bottom of every post looked like Carolyn's birth story.  I thought, "What the hey, I'm having a kid...let's do this," so, I clicked on it. 

Lo, and behold, if the intro didn't speak to my heart. 

You should just read it yourself. 

Thanks, Erin! I remember reading that when it was first posted and finding it funny.

This time I found it hyyylarious because I now have a better way to describe how I felt.

I felt(/feel) like a heifer with bad pelvic measurements.

And there is still no way to accurately explain how that feels.

I guess you can use your imagination.  Or your memory.  Whichever applies to you, Blog Fan. 

DooDoo Charlie the Horse

The daddy of all charlie horses paid me a visit this morning.  It wasn't exactly a social call either.

I feel like he may have been hired to get rid of me, but decided it would be fun to torture me instead.

A Brief History:

• I've had many charlie horses in my younger life
• Mom, thankfully, taught me how to deal with them. Toes to the nose!
• I've been nipping them in the bud ever since, and as such, haven't had a full on leg cramp of any kind in several years

Now back to my story.

So there I was, laying in bed, dead to the world.

Not so dead that I didn't know I was turning over, but dead enough for it to not be a conscious decision to do so.

That is when DooDoo Charlie the Horse, as I have come to call him, struck, by plunging a jagged knife deep into my calf muscles.  I didn't even have time to respond! I tried so hard to flex my foot towards my face and relieve the pain, but his grip on my leg was too intense.  I couldn't move my foot for anything, and my fat belly got in the way of physically grabbing it.

I was trapped.

I gasped, wimpered, moaned, cried, held my hands over my mouth while trying to breath steady and keep from screeching (it was THAT bad), and finally screamed for Darren so he could move my foot for me (though not loud enough...he was up getting ready for work, and too far out of hearing. However, I didn't want to panic him and make him think I was having way too early labor pains or something, so I wasn't willing to holler any louder.)

After almost TWO MINUTES of pulsing pain that radiated to my entire lower leg, it finally began to relax.  When I felt like the timing was right, I started to bend my foot towards my face, chanting "Toes to the nose!" the whole time.

Darn it if DooDoo Charlie the Horse wasn't just waiting for Round Two.

Round Two was just as bad as Round One, though it only lasted about a minute this time. 

So then I thought, "At least I can get my leg off my support pillows.  It will feel more comfortable laying flat on the mattress."

Round Three.

Repeat effort to move leg off pillows.

Round Four.

After my leg relaxed from Four, I finally wrenched my body like a pretzel and just ripped the pillow out from under my leg and let it land on the mattress.

And there I lay, feeling like a washed up piece of seaweed (weird image, but I wasn't exactly feeling tip top mentally or physically).  I didn't move for several minutes and when I did was finally able to point my toes at my nose, but by then there was no use for it. The damage was done, and my calf muscles were done for.  Flexing my foot only made me more aware of how sore those muscles had become.

And naturally, that is when Darren finally came into the room to say goodbye before heading to work.

He said he thought he'd heard his name, but decided it was in his head.

Next time DooDoo Charlie the Horse tries to get me, I will be yelling much louder.

I don't care if it makes him think I'm in labor.

Somebody is getting a good Christmas

On Black Friday we went to Wal-Mart to purchase some fabric for Christmas stockings (is my timing bad, or is my timing bad? Why I HAD to go on Friday is beyond me).  Anyway, while I was perusing my options, my husband child was wandering around the sewing department, entertaining himself.  After being there for a few minutes he approached me from the end of an aisle with something in his hands and a pleading look on his face that said, "I don't know how to ask this in a way that will make you say "yes", but I reeeeally want to take this home with me".

It was a gaming system.  One that I don't care to name, lest I annoy myself further. He found it stashed in the sewing department (though I do not think I believe him...electronics is one aisle over. Hmmmm.)

He made his case. I said "no". He adjusted his plea. I said "no". He made a call or two.  I said "how?".

In the end, it worked out in his favor, and that infernal thing landed in our shopping cart.  The boy couldn't have looked more giddy.

In the meantime I was feeling physically terrible.  There are times during this pregnancy when it feels like my heart is racing and there simply isn't enough blood volume to keep up.  I was more than ready to go home, drink a gallon or two of water, and rest, so we proceeded to the cheerless associate who was standing ready to cut my fabric for me. 

While she did so, I heard Darren on the phone with his brother bragging about the outstanding Black Friday deal we had stumbled upon.  It was in that moment that my epiphane happened.

I turned to him and said, "You know this counts towards your Christmas presents from me, right? That thing is going under the Christmas tree, wrapped, until Christmas Day."

He quit speaking. His face fell. He hung up the phone. His eyes got big. He walked closer and begged, "No...you can't do that. That would kill me!"

The cheerless Wal-Mart associate smiled for the first time. "OH! Boy, she be so mean to you! How you do that to him and say he cain't play that till Christmas?? Your po' baby. Po' baby!"

I've never felt so triumphant in my life.

And that box looks so lovely under the tree.

Our Weekends

1. Last weekend we went to Galveston for the 237th Marine Corps Birthday Ball.

This is just a snapshot of pre-sunrise Saturday morning from our hotel balcony.  The lovely view made up for  my semi-disappointment in the hotel room itself.  It felt like we were in a motel, and my bed at home is more comfortable. Boo on that.

The ball itself was alright...the ceremony was boring (per the usual), but still super patriotic and pride-inducing. I'm still basically Lydia Bennet when it comes to being in a room full of crisp and sexay military uniforms.  I swoon on the inside a lot.

2. The first three days of this week were horrendously busy thanks to our weekend away and a super full schedule.  Monday was spent baking pies for two of my customers after work and helping Darren finish a paper he had due at midnight.  We went to bed very late.  Then, Tuesday night I had an Arbonne party after work that lasted a while (friends from church, and we chat a lot...).  When I got home poor Darren was already asleep, and I still had pies to make for delivery on Wednesday.  It was obscenely late by the time I got to bed.  After work on Wednesday.......................I did nothing but keep my fat hiney on the couch.  I felt like I'd earned the right to be as humanly lazy as possible.

In case you don't know, any amount of extended awakeness and/or baking for a pregnant heifer is torture.  By the time I'm halfway through the process (and feel like I've rolled a hundred billion pie crusts) I feel as though I've had a massive workout.  My sides hurt, my breathing is for sure heavy, my legs feel like they are the size of those long rolls of ground beef sold at the store, and I am holding onto the counter at almost all times for support (mostly psychological...it just makes me feel better).

Even though Monday, Tuesday, and most of Wednesday felt like a three week stretch (to me), I have to admit I loved how the time Darren and I actually got to spend together was nothing but quality.  We basically only saw each other when he left for work and right before bed.  And for about 15 minutes before that Arbonne party.  He is very supportive of my money making attempts, and showed that by having the kitchen clean and ready for pie baking when I came home from Arbonne.  I nearly cried. Nothing says, "I love you" quite like knowing you have a long night of pies ahead of you and not having to start by washing any dishes.

So even though I felt like we weren't getting to spend much time together (again, those 2.75 days felt like weeks), the little moments and services to each other felt like something I could carry with me.

Sigh.

Okay, enough of the sap.....moving on.

3. My birthday was Thursday! I am 24 now! I'm hoping that this is the age when people will stop saying, "Oh, you're so young!".  Every year I think I've reached that year, but I am not holding out tons of hope.

4. Birthday morning began with the sleeping gods mocking my inability to easily get up on normal days.  I had to force myself to sleep from 6 to 8.  Thankfully, Darren saved me with a tasty breakfast and some gifts.

5. We have our Christmas tree up! It isn't 100% decorated, but it has lights and candy canes, so it's mostly there.  I love the magic a lit Christmas tree brings to a room.  It is so cozy.

And then I became annoyed...

I know I've vented about this a lot to my family (and poor Darren has heard more than his fair share of it), but I've still got some venting left to do.

I am having a baby.

Presumably, the baby will be born at a healthy weight and size.

One way or another, it will exit my body.

My chosen method of delivery is the age old way of going into labor and squirting that puppy out, sans epidural.

"OMG, are you crazy?!"

"You are SO going to change your mind!"

"Hahahahahahahahahahaha you've never had a baby before, have you?"

To any and all naysayers, I have this to say: I can't heeeear yoooou.

A little support would be nice?

Now, I don't remember who all has ever said anything like this to me, so if you are reading this and think you are guilty, don't get all embarrassed and think that I hate you. Remember, I have pregnancy brain, and hold no personal ill-will because I can never remember who actually deserves it. So don't sweat it! =)

My grudge is against the you-can't-do-it mentality.

Reasons I feel like birthing without an epidural is the right choice for ME:

1. It feels the most natural and complication free. I have a lifetime of avoiding medicine at most costs, so that isn't new to me.  I tend to ride headaches out and always have. Typically medicine is employed when it begins to interfere with sleeping (sleep is sacred). Even then I take the lower dosages available.
2. Needles terrify me.  I don't care how many women have experienced an epidural and been just fine. I don't care how painless it is. I don't care how relieving it is. I refuse to cope with the idea of sitting still during labor, while a 20 ft long needle enters my spine with the object of deadening sensation, thereby removing my agency to move around or work with and through my labor pains. Thanks, but no thanks.
3. I want the satisfaction of knowing I beat seemingly impossible odds. My grandchildren will probably never refer to me as being a great risk taker, but when a challenge strikes me hard enough, you can't stop me.  That is why I trained and complete my first half-marathon.  It was something I just needed to do to prove something to myself. Not to world, but to myself. If I had wanted to prove much to the world I would have tried to win that race, but I was racing myself.  It is hard to describe.  The notion of delivering naturally has hit me that same way, so believe me, I will be ready.

Granted, I know that birth plans don't always play out as desired.  I understand that. However, I am shooting for the optimal experience for me. That way I know that I will have tried.

I liken it to a wedding vs a marriage.  One is the kick-off, and even if the day doesn't go exactly as planned, there is no reason to let that cast a gloom over the marriage. I know that delivering a baby is just a beautiful glimmer in the timeline of that baby's existence. 

No matter how it all goes down, I will be happy to hold a healthy baby girl in a few months.

p.u.m.p.k.i.n...p.i.e.

1. Do you know what Sunday is? MY 28 WEEKS MARK. I feel like that is a milestone and should be celebrated somehow.  Only 12 weeks left...give or take.

2. I spent over 3 hours start to finish last night on a pie operation. One pie for my coworker (massage trade), one pie for to share with other coworkers and a few businesses nearby in the strip, one little square one to bring to my boss and her husband later since they won't be at work today, and one for Darren and I to scarf down.  That is what one full pie crust recipe and 6 cups of pure pumpkin puree gave to me.

The one to share with people is so that potential customers can taste the goods.  I want to sell pies for the holidays! And guess what! I already received two orders.

The price is 1 pie for $8 or 2 pies for $14.  I haven't figured out the cost of custom made crusts yet (didn't occur to me until yesterday) (and by "I haven't figured out" I mean "I haven't talked to Darren about it and let him figure it out").

The only option of pie to purchase is scrumptious pumpkin. They are 10 inches.

My pies are awesome because they are homemade and don't include any overly processed products (excluding the shortening used in the crust).

In short, they are amazing! Let me know if you want any for your Thanksgiving or Christmas dinners =)

3. This is what I found of the pumpkin we never got around to carving this year (and what supplied me with so much pumpkin goop with which to cook:

4. We have a crib! I love seeing it set up in our bedroom. Thanks so much to Susan for handing it down to us!

5. This bird was guarding my parking space at work a few days ago.  Either that or she was saving it for someone and I stole it. 

In any case, she didn't move.  Just stared.

6. Guess what is coming in precisely one day short of two weeks...............

my birthday!

and Thanksgiving!

All on the same day. How about that. =)

4 things

I've exploded! Over the weekend my belly has got a bit more swoll than it was previously.

Bending over is awful, and makes me produce horrible grunting and gasping sounds that would be embarrassing if I didn't find them so amusing.

I haven't peed in my drawers yet, but I predict that if/when I do it will be at one of these times:

• I will be sitting down and laughing hard, or
• I will be rising to stand after a long time of sitting down.

In both situations, the baby has the upper hand on smashing my bladder in an unpreventable way.

And I've already nearly peed in both situations MULTIPLE times.

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We watched "What to Expect When You're Expecting" on Saturday.....it was stupid.

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I have become an Arbonne consultant! The products are super awesome, so I am excited to get started. If you want to be cool forever, then feel free to offer to host a party for me so that I can get more practice and meet more people. Plus, you get cool hostess rewards.

The facewash sample I used made my pregnancy blemishes disappear within about a week, and I noticed a difference in a day.

Yeah, it's that magical.  And the products are all natural, vegan, hypoallergenic, and fragrance and dye free.  Awesome stuff for sensitive skin!

Let me know if you'd like to know more!

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Try this awesomely delicious and easy shake and bake recipe:

• Slice up two boneless and skinless chicken breasts into thin strips (I go for just under half an inch)
• Grind up Ritz/any kind of cracker in a food chopper, or crush it yourself. You want crumbs.
• Add salt and pepper
• If you are using flavorless crackers (i.e. not Ritz) then add onion powder, garlic powder, Italian seasoning, and Rosemary to the crumbs. I never measure it, I just kind of guess. The ol' gut feeling.
• Put seasoned crumbs into a double bagged paper lunch sack
• Place one or two strips of chicken into the lunch sack at a time, and give the bag a good shake (holding the top closed, of course).  When the chicken is covered, remove it and place it on foil-covered cookie sheet
• When all the chicken is on the cookie sheet (as close as you want, but not touching), put little globs of butter on top of each piece of chicken (as much as you want or don't want.....your arteries are none of my concern......but, the more butter you have, the better it tastes :-9 )
• Cook at 325 until it is finished....I think it takes about 20-30 minutes, but you might want to check on it frequently just to be sure. Overcooking it makes it pretty dry.

I looooove to eat this. It's almost like eating fried chicken strips, except it isn't fried, so I feel virtually no guilt about eating too much of it.  And it makes two chicken breasts seem like a million. It makes enough to feed husband and wife, with a [slight] chance of there even being a little bit left over.

Yum.

A conversation wherein I reveal how adorably nerdy Mr. Hottie really is...

Darren: "You know something I've always wanted to do? Stick my finger in Optimus Prime's nose."

Me: "Can I quote you on that?"

Darren: "You have to look at him to know what I'm talking about!"

...He has a point.

I hope our next kid is a boy so that I can watch them be cute with their Saturday morning cartoons.

In the meantime, I hope he gets use to the idea of watching girly shows eeeevery Saturday when the time comes ;-)

My Due Week

1. There really are no words to describe how tired I am today.

2. Part of the fatigue is my fault. I didn't feel like winding down last night for a good while....not that I couldn't have fallen asleep when Darren went to bed, but for some reason I just couldn't make myself. I took a long bath and had some toast before finally going to bed.  It was wonderful, but now I must pay the price.

3. However, the first price I paid was completely worth it: I slept for 4 solid hours before needing to wake up and go pee. Slept like a rock. It felt fabulous. After that I kept on pretty solidly until my alarm went off. I was barely able to wake up when Darren told me goodbye before leaving for work. Baths before bed are magical.

4. I had my first official (like, from my doctor's office) ultrasound today.  Baby is definitely a girl, and as far as I can tell she has a super cute nose. I have some pretty good pictures of her.

5. She weighs 1.6 lbs, and my due date is Feb 4th, according the the ultrasound and Feb 6th according to my doctor.  I'm interested to know what the official due date is. I'm still averaging it out for the 5th.  They should just call it a Due Week.

6. I borrowed a yoga DVD from my lovely friend Kim, and though I have only done [some of] the workout once, I really like it. The lady's voice is super annoying (have yet to discover a yoga instructor who's voice DOESN'T annoy me), but I felt really good even from those 15 minutes I did.

They need to remove the skinny skank from the front of the instructors though....I want the second trimester heifer to be at the front. The skinny one doesn't do anything for my confidence. I couldn't bend like that for some of those moves before I was pregnant, and definitely can't now, no matter how modified you make it. I don't want her there.

7. I'm obsessed with drinking nearly every single fruit juice.

I Got Domestic

 I had some free time yesterday, so I decided to make good use of a pie pumpkin that I had purchased a couple of weeks ago and try my hand at homemade pumpkin pie:

VERDICT: It was delicious. And I am super proud of myself.  As far as I know, I have never made pumpkin pie other than from a can, so it was fun to feel really cool about making it completely from scratch.

I followed the instructions/recipe found at this blog.  I also opted for his option to make the pie denser (use less eggs and milk).

Baby Love

About 24 weeks

I finally have a doctor! Without going into all the ridiculous details, I will just sum it up by saying that securing one was no easy feat. She seems really cool and helpful, so I am super pleased.

My sister, Amanda, got me a bunch of little girl clothes from a garage sale, and they are darling! However, I washed them yesterday, and let me tell you: that load was deceptive. It looked like a medium, possibly a large load at most, but something about being IN the washer made them expand or something. It was almost more than the poor washer could take, and then it took forever to fold.

That being said, a lot of it is savable for when Baby is older, so I packed most of it away.....kind of can't wait for her to be old enough to wear some of it.

I'm already missing her being a baby, and she isn't even born yet. Sigh.

As I predicted from the start, the bigger my belly gets, the more my hiney disappears. I'm going to be sittting on the back side of my stomach by the time this is all over with.

Exercising

My dreams are getting more physical.

I keep dreaming of doing things like running hard and playing fun sports, but there is always a point in the dream when I remember, "Wait, I'm pregnant. I have no business exercising this hard, especially since I have let myself get so out of shape".

And then I argue with myself. "But, Emily, you feel so good! Keep going! One more lap."

My interpretation?

My body is craving an intense workout.  After this baby is born and I wait the correct amount of time/have my doctor's permission, I am going to engage in the most hardcore workout experience of my life.  And they won't be "modified".

See if I don't.

A half-complaining post

Sorry, but this will be a bit of a whiny post.

As much fun as all the fun things about being pregnant are, I have to say that this week has eaten the cake in lower back pain.  Back pain is not exactly new to me--it has been an acquaintance for years. HOWEVER.......this is different. I feel like there is an entire colony of ants in my low back and pelvic region just biting the nonsense out of me. It buuuuurns.

Which is why I am blogging at 7 AM instead of enjoying my last precious hour of sleep. I cannot get comfortable enough to even just lay there and laze away the last hour before I have to get up.

Oh, and getting out of bed all night is an excruciating experience.....a full bladder makes the weight of rising a billion times worse.

Boohoooo =(

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1. In slightly more positive news (though I'm sure it has a lot to do with what is going on above), I am fairly certain that Baby Girl had a growth spurt. My belly was plumper, harder, and heavier to bear yesterday than it was the day before. Bending over has started to hurt (a nice reminder to not squash the human I'm growing OR tempt gravity).

2. My afghan is making slow, but fairly steady progress:

The squares aren't connected yet of course, I just like to lay them out and envision the rest of the blanket.

Again, my camera phone doesn't quite capture the colors of the yarn.

I have completed 13 squares. (Do not ask how many I have started and unraveled/discarded...). Thirteen doesn't sound like much, but I'm proud of my progress =)

3. "Once Upon A Time" is back (along with "Bones", "Castle", and "Parks and Recreation")! Etc. I have a few shows to get caught up on already.  We here at the Brown's are suuuuuper  pumped.

4. Darren made dinner yesterday....it was spectacular. And so nice to not have to lift a finger (except to bring the grub to my face ;-) ). All in favor of him cooking every day say "Heck yes!". He's such a good cook.

5. Going back to bed now....wish me luck. I promise not to be such a whiner in my next post!

Because I'm a copy cat...

My friend Ange's recent blog post inspired me to post baby pictures of Darren and I.

I really wonder what our little girl will look like.

My guess is that she is guaranteed big eyes and a really cute nose.

Beyond that is anybody's guess.

Things I was Never Told About Pregnancy

I was never told that...

• ...I would experience a full 9 months (I assume it will continue) of leaky sinuses and boogery nostrils. I have never picked my nose so much IN MY LIFE. AND I WAS A FAITHFUL NOSE-PICKING CHILD.
• ...hormones would make me psycho. I had always assumed they were referring to the "weepy" side of being hormonal (something I have plenty of experience with), but no, they weren't. I can want to choke complete strangers one minute, but then the next minute I can laugh so hard at a story I ALREADY KNOW that I cry my eyes out. It's like, no matter what I do my eyes think they need to participate by taking a whiz on my cheeks. 
• ...my already vivid dreams would become more even more so, and that they would likely develop a theme. In my case, nudity. Of random people from church. There is usually only one of them naked per dream, but MAN. Church gets awkward for me. All I can think when I see them again is, "Hey, last time I saw you you were naked....ummm". 
• I don't even want to KNOW what that means. Dream interpretations have no place in pregnancy.
• ...I would have the appetite of a horse. Oh wait, they did tell me that. Well, it continues to surprise me. 

So me...

• ...I would worry about squishing her every time I sit down or cuddle with Darren while watching TV. 
• ...I would have a panic attack every time I see an ugly or horribly disobedient child.
• ...I would want to maim everyone who insinuates that I am not being healthy enough (though I admit, I could stand to exercise more and drink more water...but that's nobody's business except mine. And Darren's too, I suppose. He does have a lot invested in this little uterine piglet...but even he will feel the wrath of Psycho Pregnant Emily if he says it in the wrong way at the wrong time. It's better for everyone if nobody takes that risk.)
• ...I would tear up every time I feel her move during quiet moments when I can just lay there and feel her little jabs and kicks with my hands. 
• ...I would feel so honored to get to even carry something so special inside of me. I always thought my body was so lame. Turns out that it isn't. It is miraculous, and I love it. 

The Qualifying Squares

So I noticed that the squares I did last night were way weirder than the perfect one I made yesterday afternoon (the difference being my being in front of the computer following strict instruction). I made two more today, and they turned out just right! The others will serve as a reminder to check the directions when in doubt =)

Sleep eludes me

....not right at this moment, but in general. I spend all day wanting to sleep, but when the time comes I usually can't get comfortable, and then the moment I DO I suddenly need to pee like a horse. However, if today is any scale by which to measure, a nap can really go a long way.

Last night was probably the most difficult of sleepless nights so far. Every time I got up it really just seemed to take forever to fall back asleep.  The upside is that Darren wasn't there, so I wasn't disturbing his rest. The downside? Darren wasn't there, so I was super uneasy with the lack of my sleeping hunk of husband's protection.

At one point I gave up and decided to look up granny square tutorials on Youtube. I honestly can NOT tell you what chain of thoughts brought me to that decision....I either can't remember, or it was an independent and random thought produced by the effects of a sleep-deprived brain. It's anyone's guess, really. So I found  this video, and found his instructions to be very thorough and fairly easy to follow. And his voice fluctuates between being delightfully entertaining and really annoying, so my mind stays actively engaged in the task at hand.

The point of all this: I am making my baby girl her very own afghan.

The first square is complete!

The first two squares were supposed to be complete, but the second one doesn't make the cut. So I'm going to stick with bragging about one square.

It certainly isn't perfect, but with practice my precision is bound to improve.

The important part is the love I'm pouring into it, right?? (Right??? Hopefully??)

And sorry the picture is so fuzzy....it doesn't catch the color right either. It is a deep magenta with a khaki-colored off white. The other color I want to use is still up in the air.

Only a billion squares to go!


Oh, and just for funzies I took a dramatic "Myspace" photo of my belly today.

Oh, and though the crimps in my hair turned out a little smaller than would usually be desired, this trick I learned from Pinterest TOTALLY WORKS. It's my new go-to hairdo because A) It is easy, and B) I don't have to worry about keeping it tidy like I would if I straightened it. It's hot mess hair!

Frosting!

First off, a preggy update:

• The piglet within squirms a lot, and it almost feel like she is taking her little fingers and pinching my insides. I realize that is impossible, but that is still the picture in my head everytime I feel that tiny burst of discomfort.
• I can no longer sneeze with my mouth closed. I did that today and nearly shoved her out of me in the process....kind of hurt, and nearly made me tinkle on myself. I experimented with a normal open-mouthed sneeze soon after and didn't feel a thing.
• Almost nothing grosses me out more than an open-mouthed sneeze. I find myself becoming more repulsive by the moment.
• Baby is already super cute. I can feel it.
• I am currently 19.5 weeks. The halfway mark is upon us!
• I'm more tired now than I was in the first trimester. Even though it will mean less sleep, I can't stop thinking about how glorious it will be to not have to get up and go to work when the baby is born, even if that only last for a few weeks.
• I've spent every day this week feeling like I just got out of bed alllll day. So sleepy.
• Darren is going to be the world's cutest papi. I love it when he talks about it.

Real life update:

• I taught my first lesson in a not singles branch Relief Society the Sunday before last. It was horrifying overall, but I think it went well from the receiving end (plenty of smiles, discussion, and participation). Nothing like teaching a lesson while staring down the nose of your sister-in-law, aunt, and grandma (all of which are rockstar teachers), a few other relatives, and a million ladies who watched me grow up. I feel like I probably was justified in being intimidated.
• Mom, the frosting is pretty similar to yours, but for some reason works better for me (i.e. doesn't come out clumpy)
• The Best Frosting Ever:

  2 c powdered sugar

  1/4 c shortening
  2 Tbs + 1.5 tsp milk (I use soy)
  1/2 tsp vanilla (I've been out of vanilla for about a month....so I just omit this part)
  Flavoring and food coloring as desired (I've been sprinkling tiny amounts of ground clove in it....YUM!)

  
  

  

  
  

  

    As you can see, it gets kind of fluffy, which is how the cookies is so delightfully smothered in it (notice the blue swirls that grew too big). Granted, I put them on the cookie hot so that it would melt and smear some, but man....it's never worked out so yummy and yummy looking before. I love icing of any kind.

• I found it somewhere online....I would have cared to save that info if I'd known I would love it so much. Probably recipes.com or something.
• I want to write a book, but I can't land on what kind/a topic that jumps out at me and screams, "ME!". I tried to force an idea recently, and that was a disaster, so if you feel like brainstorming a little bit at me, I won't mind. Maybe one of them will holler like I need it too.
• And finally, here's a little treat from the "Animals" tab on Pinterest.

Items of Business

1. I feel her move! Coolest. feeling. ever.

2. Now that I've had an ultrasound and seen that there is indeed a baby in there--and I can indeed feel it move--for the first time in my life I can make the connection between what incubates in pregnant bellies and the tiny humans mothers carry around. They really are the same thing.

5. In one of the ultrasound images she looks like Predator (according to Darren and everyone I've shown...I wouldn't know, but then again I totally avoid creepy movies). Even so, it is an awesome picture.

6. I need a real people job. At least until the baby comes.

7. I made breakfast sausage gravy for the first time last week, and I have to say that it did not taste undelicious. I was super proud of myself.

8. The same can't be said for the biscuits we were supposed to eat with them. Let's just say we had toast and gravy for dinner that night.

9. Tonight for date night we are going to have pizza and watch "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas".  I saw the end of the movie once when I found David watching it at home, and swore to myself that I would never ever watch it because it kind of made me want to cut myself.  But then Darren insisted....so here we go.

If you hear the distant sound of a banshee tonight, it is most likely me. Darren has never seen me more than sniffle or wipe my eyes in a movie, but I predict that he will repent of making me watch this one.

I have tissues ready.

10. We have another new massage therapist at work, and she is darling. She also gives super awesome massages, which this girl can definitely appreciate.  For those of you who know where I work or how to contact me, I suggest you do so in order to take advantage of our $19 special introductory rate. Price can't be beat.

11. We are in search of a reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally cheap (or free...that's good too) king size bed, so iff'in you know of anything, please let me know. Between me, my belly, my pillows, and my husband, we no longer fit comfortably (and things were already kind of tight before). Queen just doesn't cut it.

12. I discovered the world's tastiest frosting last week online. Sorry, Mom! I still love your recipe, but this stuff just has a consistency and flavor that works so good for my mouth, and it is super easy to use (for me....I am ridiculous when it comes to  trying to manipulate frosting on pastries so this is a pretty significant find).

13. Baby is growing pretty quickly this week, which is not something I thought I would ever noticed.  It has been so gradual all along that the sudden changes in balance, comfort, and sleeping are startling.

14. She also hates when I sit for too long. Ladies with short torsos (spelling?) are at a disadvantage when it comes to fitting a baby in with all the other junk we have wedged in our abdomen....in my scientific opinion.

It's Friday! Happy weekend everybody!

Little mister or little miss?

We learned the good news yesterday!

She's a squirmy little one and measures in at a little over 17 weeks.

Due date February 5, 2013

I am beeeeeyond excited.

Also, notice how that sweet head is situated directly on my bladder (the black space it wears like a hat). 

That is why the bathroom and I are such good friends right now.

And why my knuckles are drying out due to over-washing.

However, 

WE COULDN'T BE MORE THRILLED.

Update on the baybee

(yes, that is how I usually pronounce it...except I draw the "ayyyy" and "eeee" out for much longer)

I'm fully into my second trimester now at 17 weeks, so here is a quick update for posterity (and your info, if you care to know):

• The earlier post about the potty trips waning at the beginning of this trimester jinxed me. They say that the frequency of needing to pee decreases with the conclusion of the first trimester, but I go now more than I EVER HAVE BEFORE. I suppose that is due to the arrangement of my inner organs and the pressure on my bladder, but MAN. I go a lot.
• I feel pregnant. I like it.
• A friend of mine lent me a bunch of maternity clothes last week, which has made this month feel like Christmas. Or like the best school shopping of all time (as in, I spent no money AND didn't have to go shopping...win!). I feel cuter than I ever have in my life. I'm so glad it all fits.
• I think maternity pants should be normal people pants. It's like wearing jammies all day long. And I feel like the upper part would smooth out my chubby rolls.
• This baby is made out of potatoes.
• I think I am feeling the baby move, but it is never at a time when I am concentrating on it, so I feel like I can't be sure. It's always while I'm in the middle of something that I feel something super slight and I suddenly am like, "Oh my heck, was that it??". But of course by then the feeling has vanished. Sneaky baby.

"My pleasure!"

There are days when I can eat according to my fancy, but most days.....oh, most days.

Most days Baby dictates the moves I make. And when Baby says, "Get me some Chick-fil-a," it is super hard to tell it no.

Tuesday was one of those days (or was it Monday? Can't be sure...Baby has a hold on that as well). So after much persuasion, pleading, and downright begging, I convinced Darren that we needed to make a Chick-fil-a run.  While we were at it we could go ahead and take care of the Wal-Mart run we also needed to make. We're efficient like that.

So we make our order and proceed as usual through the drive-thru toward the pick-up window.  At the window they hand us our goodies and ask if we want any ketchup or sauce, after which I instruct Darren to ask for Chick-fil-a sauce (YUM) and ranch sauce.

She tried to hand him one of each.

I snickered.  Darren hesitated while staring at her outstretched hands.

(Word to the wise: never hand a couple of fatties....AKA people who like to eat...such a meager amount of sauce)

He takes the sauce from her and says, "Can we get a few more? My wife is pregnant and really hormonal and really wants the stuff."  (Hey, I'll take one for the team if it means we get a lot of sauce....)

She again hands him one of each and turns away, like that is the end our interaction.

(Quick math: Two adults, two orders of fries, two sandwiches.....4 total packets of sauce. Um. Never.)

I snickered again.

Then Darren says through his own smirk--not under his breath, mind you-- "Okay, I guess we're being stingy today..." and puts the truck in gear to leave.

That was when the sweet girl finally woke up. "Oh, did you guys want more?"

Um, yes. As a matter of fact we DO.

So she scooped us up a double handful and sent us off with the typical courtesy of "My pleasure!"

I'll bet it was.

We laughed for about 10 minutes about his accidentally heard stingy comment because it was totally rude, but he totally got away with it. And it totally got us the right amount of sauce.

Parasitic Posterity Pooch

Now that my bump is finally shaping up in a way that makes me look less chubby and more pregnant (finally!), I thought a picture to commemorate the pooch would be appropriate. Typically i'm on a strict every 4th week picture-taking routine, but I wanted to capture the "moment".

I love that little bump already!

14.5 weeks

Marriage

Noun; The state in which a wife learns that it is all too possible to love her husband with all of her heart while desiring to choke his neck with all of her hands.

See also: Perplexing

With Child

I suppose those of you who stalk my Facebook (and let's be honest, who doesn't??) have noticed my announcement concerning the newest member in my life, affectionately known as Fetus Brown (for now--just until I think of something actually cute...). I am 12 weeks along today.

Observations About My Pregnancy:

• Overall, things are going pretty well. I feel good the majority of the time, and compared to some of the horror stories I've heard (see Erin's pregnancy posts from once upon a time) I am having a perfectly comfortable experience.
• That isn't to say that I don't have my moments of sheer discomfort and such. When it hits.....it hits. 
• Symptoms to date, in no particular order: nausea (not as much anymore, but ohhhh it was bad at first), hunger, lack of appetite (an annoying contradiction), an extreme attachment to super pulpy orange juice, dill pickles (a life long love....intensified), a propensity to cry if my emotions go to far in either direction, achy joints, sore all over (especially lower back and hips), massive boobies, fatigue (waning), shortness of breath (not waning), wacko sinuses late and night and early in the morning, dry throat, GAS of a whole new breed, multiple potty breaks during the night, and reeeeeeally really weird dreams. 
• I'm sure there are a couple of miscellaneous ones, but I can't think of them right now.

Darren and I couldn't be more thrilled, and I can't help but hope that we will magically become mature enough for this new life calling by the time Fetus Brown becomes Baby Brown.

But I doubt it. 

Catch up

1. This has been a busy summer for this particular branch of the Brown family. Besides us working allllll the time, I've been busily trying to catch up on Bones (about halfway through the 6th season!) and Darren has been trudging through the original Star Trek series (mega dweeb... ;-)). Okay, so it's only been fake busy, but busy is busy.

2. It occurred to me today that our first married Christmas is less than 6 months away, and I still haven't figured out how to work my sewing machine, so I don't know when or how I will make our stockings! Bother.

3. My cousin Daniel's fiancee Jess (ex-roomie Jess) moved into our complex, in the building directly next to us. Pretty sweet. I went to hang out with them last night, and since I am currently Darrenless, and have nobody to talk to here at home, I am fairly certain I blabbed for a full hour before I left.  They might have said 12 words total.

4. Darren is at Annual Training for the next couple of weeks, which means I am experiencing Military Wife Hurdle #1. It definitely isn't easy, but I comfort myself in knowing that he is in a humidity free environment, and when these two weeks are up, I can be proud that I made it.

I might make it by crying myself to sleep every night while sniffing his t-shirts, but hey, I'll make it.

5. I get to house a few girls for Youth Conference next weekend. Stoked! I love the youth program, but never want a calling there. I just want to be invited to hang out (because I'm a creeper like that).  Housing them means I'm practically invited to the dances.  Also, I was asked to be one of the picture-takers, soooooo.....if anyone has a fit about my booty on the dance floor, I'm going to flash them my fake press pass.

6. My sister-in-law Jaymie is coming to visit us in August! I am super duper excited about that, and am really hoping to sell the area to her so that she moves here....so nobody spoil that for me by telling her the truth, okay? =)

Leave of absence

Man, it has been a WHILE!

Sorry about that, fans.

Quick catch-up on our little lives:

We moved! We are now living in a much bigger and better costing apartment than before, and we'll be here a long long time. I'm pretty pleased. It feels much more like a home, and I don't have to take scary walks to the laundry room because it comes with a washer and dryer installed. Be still my heart.

It also comes with friends who live in the building next to us, which is super awesome.

I suppose that's really it. We officially lead really boring, but fun for us, lives.


Fun bragging fact of the week: our new kitchen is about 4 trillion times larger than our old kitchen.

Love.

Bus tours

Things that made going to the temple awesome yesterday:

1. Being there with my super hot hubzy.

2. Running into everyone and their grandmother from our stake.

Except my own grandmother. She was out of town I believe.

3.  Finding my Aunt Ruthie and Uncle Russell there! (...um, not married to each other....Uncle Russell is my other aunt's husband...just to clarify). So neato mosquito. Aunts and uncles give such good hugs. Especially in the temple.

4. The fact that our session was full. Over full, in fact. Guess who stumbled into a session populated almost 100% by senior citizens on a TEMPLE BUS TOUR from UTAH! It was glorious.  I guess it's kind of like going on a cruise.....except you're all old. And in a bus. They even had name tags for their street clothes, and were taking all kinds of pictures outside.

Livin' it up.

Didn't even know those things existed.

5. I submit that it is easier to go into a session the first time than it is the second time. First of all, everyone held my hand the first time and told me what to do and where to go every step of the way. For the second time around, however, nobody knew I still didn't have a clue. Going through for somebody else is an entirely different experience, and I was so scared of completely botching it (which I almost did, several times....and I hadn't even made it to the chapel yet).  We decided to hold back so that the oldies could have priority seating, so by the time we got to the room there was only one little aisle seat left on one of the back rows, so Darren got to go sit in one of the folding chairs brought in by one of the workers at the very front, next to the male half of the only other couple in the room below the age of 75, and I was in the very back. After I was seated, I thought to myself of how terrified I was because I couldn't remember much of anything from the first time I went. "Surely these ladies are all grandmas. If nothing else, they're in the temple, so they can't be mean to me." I leaned over to the one next to me and tapped her elbow. She smiled oh-so-sweetly and I said, "This is only my second time (to which she interrupted with "Oh how wonderful!"), so if you see me struggling, please help me." Lots of smiles were exchanged between her, the lady next to her, and myself, so I felt comfortable enough.

Angels that they are, they did help me in my more confused moments. Bless them.

6. The lady in front of me was apparently hard of hearing. Her neighbor had to shake her arm anytime she needed to be aware of what was going on.

7. The lady three seats to my right fell asleep. Either that, or she snores in a conscious state.

8. Being there with my super hot hubzy. I sure married a good guy.


In other news:

Darren's military ID expired back in April, which has been an inconvenience to the both of us because A) he can't really do everything he needs to with it, and B) did you know those suckers will get you through toll booths for free? Yeah. I know, it's totally awesome.  So yesterday on our trek out to H-town we procured a new one. His picture is significantly more handsome than the one he got at boot camp, and he wore his uniform all morning, which means I got to look at him in his uniform all morning. Rrrrrowwwwrr.