10 MONTHS

I CANNOT believe this little girl is already 10 months old! How? How does time fly by SO quickly?! 

Emma has a hilarious personality, and never ceases to crack me up. How did I not know that babies this small could be so funny? I've always known they were cute, but seriously--she makes me LAUGH. My favorite is when she knows she's being funny, or when she knows we're being funny, and her laugh is deliberate. Oh my. So much cuteness.

Things That Make Emma Mimma Super Duper Awesome:

• Her cheeks. You can't get the full effect without touching them with your fingers. Sure, they look fluffy, but they're also soft and deep. Like bread dough. In other words, exceptionally kissable, and I do that A LOT.
• Her laugh. It is giggly and loud, and she tends to be super choosy about when she laughs, and who she laughs for. And when the "funny" is over, she lets you know by ceasing all giggles. She has a way of making me feel ridiculous when I continue my goofy sounds and tickly motions, and she's already moved on to trying to get away from me without an ounce of joy in her expression. Her laugh is such a gift, and I try to maximize each instance. If she even hints a laugh, the rest of the world stops so that I can try to hear more. I think she's on to me ;)
• Her sad face. It makes me laugh. Except when its caused by something traumatic, like falling off the couch or being trampled by the dog. Those things do not make either of us happy. (Well, maybe a tiny part of me enjoys comforting her. I love possessing that super power.)
• She is adorably shy. She demands attention, but when it is given, she hides her face. She likes to come in and out of hiding, which puts my face in great danger any time I am holding her close since she likes to rear her head back before plunging it into my collar bone--over and over again. My jaw has taken more than its fair share of her jolly method of hide and seek. When it starts I just throw my face up like the ceiling is really interesting until it's over haha
• She loves to practice new skills, but she knows when we are making a big deal about it, which makes her stop. We've been working with her on waving lately. Until a couple days ago, all she had given me was a couple of lackluster flicks of her wrist. She was sitting in her high chair the other day near the back door, watching the dog in the back yard. I turned around at one point and she was smiling and just waving and waving to him. I let out and involuntary squeal of excitement, and she squealed happily, and stuffed her hand into her lap, as though she hadn't been doing anything. She kept up a great big toothy smile while I moved in to smother her face with kisses. Her waving has improved since then. It takes a lot of coaxing, but she'll do it. She waved "bye" to Darren the other day as he drove off for work. She never waves without smiling.
• She has a determination in her that is more than admirable. It will probably drive me crazy for a good while as she grows up, but my word, that is not a bad attribute to have. I hope I can help guide her into channeling it in proper directions :) ...redirection is not the most effective parenting tool on her. She KNOWS when she's being shafted. I have to be sneaky with her, but she is no fool. For instance, there is a corner of the room from which she is prohibited (and she knows this...), and any time I take her from it, I try to distract her with other activities, but even if I plant her clear on the other side of the room, where the appealing aspects of that corner aren't even visible, she will immediately turn around and make a beeline back to it. Sigh. If I take the discipline approach and try to tell her "no", or gently slap her hand, or put her in her time out chair (lots of laughs watching her in that little chair!--p.s. it doesn't work), she gets ANGRY. Sometimes she'll stop in her tracks and look at me out of the corner of her eyes and slowly start to crawl again. I'll say "no", and put my hands in her way. She'll stop, slap my hands away, do this funny growl and squawk sound, and then glare at me out of the corner of her eyes as she slowly starts to crawl again. And repeat. 
• She is either very expressive or completely expressionless (which is often a clear expression of what she's feeling haha)
• She's becoming more social around other babies, and interacts with them beyond just stabbing their eyes. She and a little friend at church were crawling around at a baby shower yesterday, and it looked like they were really communicating as they destroyed gift bags together.  Adorbs. 
• Music has a calming effect on her. Reverence during the hymns can usually be achieved by holding her hand and conducting along with the music. That is something she and her Daddy do very well together. 
• She is so forgiving. She had RSV recently, and for all the times she fought me on the breathing treatment or on cleaning out her nose, screaming and crying the whole time, she would always cuddle in to me afterwards like I was saving the day and not the one who was inflicting torture. 
• Her little naked hiney when she rolls over and away before I can even blink during her diaper changes. It makes for a difficult diaper change, and sometimes a little swat on her cute behind, but gosh, it is SO cute! Especially when accompanied by the excited squeals of an escaped nudist. 
• Her singing voice. I often hear her in the car just singing and cooing. Occasionally she even grunts passionately (music really moves her ;) ). I really like when I am jamming along to the radio and happen to hear her. It's like she's singing with me :)

I think I say this every time I do a monthly update, but I say it again: I COULD GO ON FOREVER. There are countless things about that beautiful baby that make me weak with happiness and pride. Being a mother is AWESOME. I am so grateful that we were blessed with such a funny little personality, and I am so excited to be HER mom. 

New house!

Oh my goodness! I haven't blogged in forever!

I am so very happy to say that this is being typed from my overcrowded-with-junk dining room table in my very own dining room in my very own house! Ahem, I mean, our house.

Yep, that's right! Darren and I bought a house! It is a quaint little fixer-upper with tons of potential (and a few problems...sigh...). But whatever, it's ours!

Catch-up:

• My birthday was last week. Can I really be 25? That's so crazy! It also makes me feel a little weird to be a Mormon 25-year old with only one child...who is under a year old. It doesn't actually make me feel weird so much as it looks weird on paper. It's like I got married in my 20's or something.
• I set up out Christmas tree Sunday night. Gasp! I know, I know. Sorry, Turkey. Ordinarily I'd be on your side, but I think I've switched sides this year. Christmas decorations make me happy, and since setting up my home makes me very unhappy (packing and unpacking is stupid! Gah!), I needed the Christmas cheer. I also hate decorating for Christmas, so it's something to check off the to-do list.
• Emma came down with RSV last week, and it has been SOOOO fun, let me tell you. Tonight is the first night in almost a week that I put her down in her crib. She's been sleeping with us since she got sick. To her credit, sick Emma sleeps pretty hard at night, and any stirring can usually be quelled with closer snuggling or a quick ninny in the mouth. However, she's starting to feel somewhat better, and her *cry has returned, so I let her put herself to sleep tonight. Even if she wakes me up in a couple of hours, I am at least getting this Me Time to shower and blog. It's the little things. 
• In the throws of RSV, little ones have a pretty hard time breathing. This was mostly manifest in my little tantrum-thrower's attempts to cry. She would get a good croaky cry for about 5 seconds, but then she'd give up and howl a small but passionate and high pitched howl (almost like she was singing) for the duration of her tantrums. These were often short-lived as well (girl knows the breathing is more important--kudos). I tried to put her to sleep in her crib once or twice, but I couldn't listen to her howl herself to sleep. Plus, I wanted to keep her close so that I could monitor her all night and nurse her as much as possible.
• I've learned a lot about the momma-doctor relationship. I do believe I can advance a point or two towards my Assertive Emily award. 
• The people who lived here before us left several cast iron cooking items. I asked her about them, and SHE TOLD ME TO KEEP THEM. It's like she knew my birthday was coming!
• I'm really tired of being surrounded by the moving mess. Can someone just please organize it all for me? 
• My kitchen is put together--most of that credit goes to my mom for deep-cleaning it for us before I unpacked everything.
• A great many generous people did so much and served us in so many ways during the moving process, from helping us move furniture, letting us borrow a trailer, helping me pack, and babysitting Emma so that I could get things accomplished. The only person in the list of services rendered who reads this blog (besides my mom) is sweet Sarah F (whose blog I haven't seen in forever, so I can't link it... what the heck?!)--anyway, shout out to her for being awesome! 
• Shout out to my mom as well for providing us with meals for our bellies while our kitchens were out of commission!
• Emma will be 10 months old next week. WHAT. 

This was taken last week in our new back yard :)

Sweet dreams

I don't actually have anything to say.

Which is a little bit of a lie... I have a million things to say.

Thoughts are propelling themselves across my mind in a multitude of random directions and patterns. Organizing them could take days, and the end result would likely make excessively tedious reading material.

I think I'm having one of those Moments of Clarity, wherein I realize that I finally understand something that I've always heard of or been exposed to. It isn't that I can't sleep (because I assure you that if I were to put this laptop away and actually lay my head on my pillow, I would sleep juuuuuuuuuust fine). There a few identified reasons I stay up late, and likely several more that are not identified. One is that I am pretty sure it's genetic. My mom  always stayed up very late. Two, this is MY time... a reason that also reflects my mom's reasoning. Three, I am thinking so many thoughts so rapidly, I feel like my  mind is filing through them, trying to decide which one it wants to land on for sleepy pondering. Fun Fact #546 about me: I am very serious about what I think about before going to sleep. I have a long history of daydreaming favorable scenarios about my future and replaying happy memories from my past. I hate to fall asleep thinking of important things (like, how we are going to pay certain bills, for instance. Problems like that won't go away by me fretting over it during my last precious moments of consciousness each day, so I dismiss them in favor of better thoughts). I hate falling asleep thinking of sad things, or scary things, or embarrassing things.

Anyway, I digress.

I can't let myself settle down until my brain selects whatever it is that it is trying to find.

Sweet dreams, friends.

She just keeps on growing!

1. Bedtime has become an ordeal around here, and that does not make me happy. I've resorted to what Darren has been saying all along, and we are letting Emma cry herself to sleep :( ...I don't let her cry forever, but it's still very hard. Not my favorite. I find myself compensating during the day by being extra affectionate and loving. She still loves me in the morning either way, so I've decided to ignore the stats that say cry-it-out babies grow up to kill people and all that.

2. We visited a pumpkin patch today! The weather was beautiful, and Emma was awesome, per the norm. There are a million things I love about all million pictures we took, so I don't know how I will possibly decide which ones to share with the internet. Darren snapped this one of my cute Wonder Baby and me, and gave Em a thought bubble. Her hand was not casually blocking my mouth, by the way. She swung it up and clutched my face. It was a laugh-worthy moment! You'd have to be there ;)

3. I've been hesitant to say anything on here about it, but I figure things are close enough to official that it wouldn't hurt to share the news (I hope I'm not jinxing us...):

We are buying a house! We will be moving in in about 3ish weeks, and we are super stoked! FINALLY Emma will have her own room, and we will have all the lovely perks of living in a house We will also get all the cruddy parts, but heck... I guess that's part of life. I am having so much fun daydreaming about the future now that I know where it will be located. This particular house is very cute, on a very cute street, and only one block away from one of my favorite places in all of the area: a small town downtown street full of antique shops and other such small businesses. I could spend hours. 

4. Tomorrow is the Primary program presentation in Sacrament Meeting. This makes me VERY happy...and a little nervous. It always makes me giggle like crazy, but with every passing year, it also makes me cry easier. I hate crying in public.

5. I am going to love myself tomorrow morning: I made a stack of pancakes tonight for breakfast tomorrow. Therefore, we will both be able to eat breakfast AND make it to church on time/within 5 minutes of it starting. What what!

6. The recent cold fronts have me happier than a hippo in mud. Since getting pregnant and subsequently delivering the child, my thermostat has undergone some major changes: I get so hot so easily. I also got to wear sexy boots today, which makes me feel like I'm a hot girl from a TV show. 

7. Sometimes I think that if I don't pop out as many kids as possible as quick as I can I will either 1) forget the awesome names I have picked out for them, or 2) have to endure the agony of someone I know snatching my names first (though I no longer tell people the names I have picked out...). 

8. I let Wonder Baby gnaw on a chew of beef jerky tonight, and she gave it her stamp of approval. When I was done letting her drool all over it and me, I rinsed it off under the faucet and ate it (yes, I know I'm disgusting, but I never throw beef jerky away...). Let's just say she has her momma in her, because as soon as I popped it in my mouth she burst into tears. I foresee jerky wars in our future.

9. She cut her first two teeth this week! They grow every day, and their sharpness increases as well. She has chomped down on a certain appendage by which she acquires sustenance a couple of times, but it hasn't become a punishable offence yet (as in, they were isolated incidents). It hurts like heck though! I love to see them when she is laughing a lot. 

10. She is growing too quickly, but I love to see it happen! I can't help but celebrate each difference, accomplishment, and milestone. I love to see comprehension in her eyes, and the wonder of each movement. We have a new game where I put her Legos on my head and launch them off by tilting my head. She loves this! Tonight I pulled my knees up and let her sit between my chest and knees, which put her very close to my face and head. I tilted my head so that the Legos would fall in her lap, and she tried to put them back on my head every time. Yesterday, I was amazed when she started handing them back to me so that I could launch them off again--her first time to "hand" anything to anyone. Her leap in understanding between yesterday and today blows my mind. I'm so proud of my little genius. Babies rock the learning curve. 

Baby pee, packing boxes, and other random things

It's been a while.

1. Missionaries are so young. I'm having to remind myself more and more that missionary work is in the hands of the Lord, and if He trusts these young.....imbeciles....then I do too. But MAN. When did they become 8th graders?

2. More importantly, when did I become so...old? They really aren't as bad as I perceive them to be.

3. Emma isn't peeing enough. We find out the results of a urine sample on Monday. In the meantime, I am to give her a little water each day in the hopes that it will help (so far it hasn't). On top of that, she seems to have developed a chest cold of some kind. If that doesn't clear up over the weekend, we'll also be going back to the doctor Monday. She sounds way too hoarse, and has a nasty cough.

4. Sick baby means MOODY baby. Lots of cuddles and sweetness, lots of angry and frustrated cuddles, lots of playing and coughing with her toys, and lots of angry tantrums. Sigh.

5. She's been after my phone all day. Every time I take it from her she cries and kicks and fusses about it. Tonight she got my phone, and I didn't notice.....until she turned to give me a gloating smile, that is. I tried to take it from her, but she held on tight. Obviously, I won, but she demonstrated a nice bout of wailing as a result. If only she'd kept the good news to herself....who knows what kind of damage she could have done.

6. Are other babies obsessed with behind the toilet? There are so many other things she could explore while I'm in the loo, but noooo. She has to make a beeline for the back of the toilet every. time. Suffice it to say that my bathroom experiences are rarely relaxing, as I spend the majority of the time kicking and blocking her from her desired destination.

7. We are moving next month (YAY!). We still don't know where we are going, but I have been on the hunt for boxes. And by "on the hunt" I mean that I've been hoping someone would just offer me a million boxes out of the blue and I wouldn't have to do any kind of hunting. A couple of weeks ago I put a personal ad (i.e. cardstock with sharpie penned on it) on the bulletin board by the mailboxes with my phone number indicating that we would be moving soon, and if any new move-ins would be so kind, we would love their boxes. I received THE call today! A family fresh from Australia (cool beans) moved in last week and finished unpacking today. I got a bajillion large, sturdy, the kind they charge big money for, boxes.

8. The only part I secretly like about moving is the beginning of the packing process. It is very exciting to me for some reason. Tomorrow is the day I begin...I confess I want to start tonight, but it is late, and everyone but me is sleeping. Technically, Emma should be the only one asleep since it is barely past 9:30 on a Friday, but my party animal husband passed out on the couch about a half hour ago.

9. I was supposed to go to the temple tomorrow for a big stake Relief Society temple trip, but with Emma under the weather I just can't make myself do it. She needs me. She was super clingy today, and I want her to nurse as much as possible, especially since she seems to be having a fluid intake/output issue. To be honest, I'm relieved as all get out. I was so nervous about leaving her home and being apart for so many hours.  HOW DO PEOPLE DO IT?

10. We purchased Emma's first Christmas present yesterday. It's one of those adorable tiny pianos for elegant children. We found it at an antique shop. We anticipate her walking by then, but even if she isn't, she pulls up on things quite nicely, and she'll walk eventually. She adores any opportunity to bang on piano keys, be it the real piano, her lovely little four-keyed rainbow piano, or the tiny piano that will be hers on Christmas Day (we let her have a go at it when we were at the shop). Girl loves to make noise.

11. For the record, the sticker on the piano marks it as 30 years old. Darren is 17 months away from being antique. Mwahahahaha.

12. I keep having dreams where my teeth are falling out. According to Google, it means that I am concerned about my appearance. Methinks it is correct. Aside from being appalled at my post-baby body and lack of self-control when it comes to food on a daily basis, I want new hair, and I need new mascara.  The hair needs to be trimmed SO badly, and my bangs need professional doctoring (I hacked them off a few weeks ago...I've lost the touch, apparently, and they turned out terrible). I also keep having harmful thoughts of cutting it into a bob and making it a little less "all over the place", but I know I would regret that intensely. I always do.

13. I'm almost finished with Call the Midwife on Netflix. I love that show too much.

14. I think I've solved the problem of my lack of motivation in regards to keeping house adequately. The solution is simple: I work 9-5, Monday through Friday. After 5 o'clock, anything that isn't baby, basic clutter, or dinner related ceases to matter and is not completed past that time. It will wait for the next day when I "go to work" again. This system serves one main purposes. First, it gives me a small amount of flexible structure to work within, and allows me a deadline that I can view as a symbol of freedom instead of just another deadline in a long line of endless tasks and deadlines. Every job I have ever held had a quitting time: the point at the end of every day when I got to leave "work things" at work and go home for "home things". Thus, I am motivated to be more productive while I am "at work", with the same understanding that, just as with my previous job, things won't always go according to plan, and my to-do list might not be finished. However, the to-do list is still essential, and must be picked up again tomorrow, and if I work like I'm getting paid for it, then things will get done.  When I relax in the evenings, I don't want to feel guilty because there is still so much to be done--THERE IS ALWAYS STUFF TO BE DONE! IT NEVER STOPS! Therefore, I want to be able to enjoy guilt-free relaxation in the evenings. It allows me to feel like I do not have a 'round the clock job, which is splendid for my sanity. So far it seems to be working (3 days now). I expect things to improve.

15. Love y'all. Have a great weekend. Peace out.

Tonight's version of the conversation

Me, talking to Darren after a couple hours of wrestling and nursing our hyperactive and squirming baby who wants so desperately to fall asleep: 

"Here, she's all yours. I've done everything I can. Go make her sleep." 

Darren obediently takes the child to the bedroom where I hear that Emma's crying ceases within just a few minutes. He emerges semi-victorious since he was able to get her to sleep, but laying her in the pack n'play woke her up. We listen to her cry for a few minutes, and then she falls asleep. 

I try to talk again, wanting to tell Darren how sexy it is when he puts her to bed and that I really appreciate his taking the time to do so and give me a little break.  

He grits his teeth at me and speaks low and slow: 

"If.you.wake.her.up.you.are.in.so.much.trouble. She'll.be.yours.to.deal.with. WHISPER."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what I like to call role reversal.  May he always remember the agonizing fear that the spouse who doesn't put the baby to sleep will stupidly wake the baby up.

Pictures

Macaroni Pork

I invented a dish tonight, and I am so enchanted with it that I must share it with the world! Yes, I will be linking my own blog post to Pinterest. Feel free to follow suit ;)

Ingredients:

• 2 lb pork; diced (I am not sure exactly which part I had, as it was purchased on sale and I didn't really care...according to this image, it was loin steak)
• Box of noodles or pasta of your choice (would be convenient if it were mac and cheese)
• 2 cans cream of celery soup
• Tbs Ranch dressing
• Salt
• Pepper
• Crushed red peppers
• Garlic powder
• Onions (I used dehydrated)
• Paprika
• Worcestershire Sauce
• A cheese packet from a box of macaroni and cheese

**All seasoning and cheese amounts according to preference**

Directions:

• Bring pot of water to a boil for the pasta; cook according to directions
• In a small pot, mix the cream of celery soup (rinse the cans half full with water and dump them in the pot as well)
• Add the Ranch dressing, pepper, crushed red peppers, garlic powder, and paprika. Bring to a hot simmer and add the macaroni cheese (I used maybe a quarter of a packet). 
• In a small skillet, cook the diced pork with onions, Worcestershire Sauce, salt, and pepper. I added a small amount of water to my meat to prevent the "skillet cooked" look...very small amount.
• Place both the sauce and meat on low while the noodles are cooking; drain noodles
• When everything is finished, combine it all and enjoy!

Okay, so I know that isn't the most professionally written recipe, but it's hard to put it into words when my exact thought process was something more like, "Uhh, yeah...some of thiiiiiiis, ooooh! Some of that would be tasty. Hmmm. Too much...eh, we'll just add more of thaaaat...".

So good luck. If all else fails, improvise. It would be hard to ruin this if you ask me!

Fried chicken

1. I made fried chicken and waffles for dinner tonight. I'm not sure what an actual connoisseur of soul food would think, but I tell you what: it sure fed my soul! Darren and I scarfed it down with wicked glee. No telling how thickly our veins run with Crisco tonight.

2. I am fairly certain that was my first time to fry chicken, and given that is was so successful I kind of feel like a rockstar.

3. Next time I will add more spice to my dry mix. It could have used more kick.

4. Emma has gotten into the habit of pinching the mess out of all my squishy flesh while nursing lately--so much so that I have several bruises. I have been diligently trying to train her away from this habit for the last two days, and I think it is going well. She is doing it less and less. I did thump her hand real good a couple of times (not in a row...like, 12 hours apart). The look in her eyes and the hurt I hear in her cry shreds my soul into a thousand pieces. I hate hurting her feelings. The plus is that she is more willing to let me hold her hand afterwards (something she fights when she is determined to pinch me), so I get hurt less. Yay for that.

5. My sweet baby rocks back and forth on her hands and knees a lot these days. It is only a matter of time!

That skirt. Love. 

6. Her smiles are captivating any time of day, but I have noticed that I have favorite smile moments:

• When I cheer and clap for her because of something she did, whether she knows it or not and she becomes very proud 
• Whenever I open the back door of the car after driving somewhere...it's like she's seeing me for the first time in hours!
• Any time I go to her after she wakes up
• Whenever I wrap her up in a towel following a bath
• Her sleepy smile when I swaddle her up before putting her to sleep (she will very often interrupt wailing tears to smile when I roll her up for sleeping...it's weird)
• When we are in public and I am semi-oblivious to what or who she is watching, but I catch her smiling up a storm for some lucky stranger
• When she watches other kids play. She finds great delight in this

7. I have several projects going on these days. Besides wrastling a chunk-a-lunk in all that I do I am writing my life story (personal history for the win!), making preparations for a rag quilt (squares are cut, just need sewing!), pretending to keep my house clean (hahahahaahahahahaaaahahaha), and making plans to pack for our upcoming move (I have the calendar organized into Stages 1-3 ...we will not have a miserable moving experience, even if it kills me).

8. Emma has become much more accepting of Darren over the last week or so, and it melts my heart completely. I love watching them together. She smiles the biggest for her daddy, and he becomes the biggest sap when she wants his attention.

9. In addition to my "I want a house" frustration, the age old restlessness I felt growing up has kicked in. Will I EVER get to move away from this place? That remains to be seen. The answer has always been "no" every time I have tried (after high school, after that year of college, after that boyfriend, etc...), so I gave up trying and became happy (and then found my handsome hottie...swoon). Anyway, despite the happy times I've had the itch to get out has struck again. Darren recently told me that he would like to leave, and that's what resurrected my feeling of being trapped here. The answer is still "no", but maybe one day it will change to a "yes"!

10. I am rereading The Help. It really is a great book. 

I have never adored so much

Last week was a very miserable week in regards to Emma's sleeping habits. Very miserable.

This week has been a great improvement, but OH MY GOODNESS. I am a wreck!

No, not really. I'm just back to missing my baby too much whenever she is sleeping well at night. I stare at her a lot (and duck like a ninja every time she flinches, because there's no way I am getting caught and being stuck on baby duty for the rest of the night).

Anyway. I miss her. 

A little while ago, I was out in the living room working on the computer on some things when she began crying (about 2 hours after she'd gone to sleep). It was a super sad, super sleepy cry that I knew, given a few minutes, would disappear into a silence. I even investigated, and her sweet little eyes weren't even open, so I knew she was still asleep. 

I couldn't help myself. I reached in and scooped her up so that I could have some sweet rocking chair cuddles while she nursed her nightmare sorrows away. 

My love for that baby makes it hard to breathe sometimes. What did I do with my life before she blessed our little family?

And why why why why WHY do I have to feel so helplessly in love with her, yet so smothered all at the same time? Some days I really mourn the passing of the me who didn't know what it is like to be a mom.  I don't wish I were still that girl, but every once in a while I miss the light weight of not having to devote so much of my very being to a life for which my husband and I are solely responsible. It is stressful to love so much. It is a sacrifice in some ways. A beautiful sacrifice with such a sacred purpose. I don't know how to process it in my heart, so I guess that makes me sad. 

I have never adored so much.

The peace of a late night, combined with missing her demanding and adorable antics as she sleeps, has left me with way too much time to think. I'm going to bed. 

Why I hate apartment life

Do you know why I hate living in an apartment?

The same reason I didn't particularly like being 18, 19, or 20.

The same reason I hate when my hair is stuck between short and medium.

The same reason I prefer to let my bread dough cook before I partake (okay, that analogy may be a stretch).

I HATE BEING INBETWEEN.

I have this sense of "our life will really start when...". When we have our own space. When we have more space. When we have a yard. When we can paint things the color we want. Etc.

If you have ever been to our apartment, you may have noticed how poorly things are decorated. The truth is that I have such a hard time motivating myself to do all the hard work that goes into decorating just to decorate an apartment. As if.

We've had a move-out date set for nearly 18 months now, which means I am capable of developing senioritis...which means I care less and less.

I crave the independence that comes with having more space/our own space. I crave having more than one bedroom. I crave SPACE.

Pinterest kills me, because I don't have space for 1/100 of the things on there that I would love to have for my home.

Apartment management is also super annoying. So is having to walk a hundred miles just to retrieve my mail. So is having to carry a dang key with me everywhere I go. So is having to give really complex instructions to anyone who wants to visit me so that they can get into our gate and find our apartment.

Also, I hate people, so neighbors more than 3 steps away from my front door would be lovely. Darren and I are prone to hermit-like behavior, so the idea of wiggle room in regards to neighbor proximity is appealing. Like chocolate fudge brownies appealing.

7 months!

I cannot believe I forgot to do a 7 months post! Man, I'm a slacker.

Don't you just want to gobble her up? So much fluffy cuteness.

Our little sweetie is able to do so many things now:

• sitting up
• scooting/"crawling"
• climbing
• pulling up on low things (such as, my criss-crossed legs when I sit on the ground). she is remarkably quick about moving into a "standing" position (ofttimes hunched over)
• hold her frozen celery sticks in her mouth and chew on them*

She loves to eat:

• Mommy's milk
• avocados
• carrots
• applesauce
• pears
• rice puff snacks

Things that make her smile and laugh:

• when her stuffed animals "walk" or "bark"
• silly noises
• silly faces and scare tactics from Daddy
• Daddy's tickly beard (this is also on the list of things that make her cry)
• Mommy's funny faces and sounds

Things we love about her:

• Her squishiness
• Her laugh
• Her hair (it is finally growing!)
• Her smile
• Her funny faces and sounds
• Her cuddles

Excerpt from an email I sent to my family this evening describing her current behavior and personality development:

Emma is indescribably adorable. She is learning so much, and it is fascinating to witness. She is very close to "real" crawling. In the meantime, she has developed a lovely Ursula crawl (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uqCsLQnkRA ...skip to the end at the 7:30 mark). She has become a momma's girl....I didn't know it was possible to become MORE of that. She loves to be close, and is always trying to find me when I walk out of her sight (I like to watch her when she can't see me). She loves to eat.  She is still a fantastic nurser, and loves her little snacks, purees, and canned pears. If you eat in her presence be prepared to either share, have a little something made up for her, or listen to lots of pitiful and angry begging and crying. I love to eat during her nap times. 

She follows me around the kitchen a lot. It is pretty sad listening to her wimpers and desperate "running" to catch up with my feet if I take a few steps. It is also hilarious. She will hold on to my feet, desperately trying to hold me in place. Sometimes she gnaws on my ankles. It's like having a puppy around, really. Today she had a first: she gave up on following me around and actually left the kitchen. She proceeded to explore the great beyond of her "bedroom" (dining area near the kitchen), which made me smile. It was one of those bittersweet she's-growing-up moments.

She loves to sing and talk and gripe.  I know she is fully awake in the morning usually whenever she begins talking and singing to the window curtains by the bed. Whenever she is angry she cusses. Somewhere in the land between sobbing and whining is a place that has no name. When she is in that place she holds firm eye contact and gripes in a language I don't understand--but I have an idea what she is saying. She uses consonants, emphasis, and inflection while yelling.  I laugh in her face because I can't help it. She also loves to slap things. She has a lot of persistence. She'll crawl over a million obstacles to reach whatever forbidden objects she desires. This usually means she ends up bumping her head or otherwise hurting herself, so then we get to hear all about that injury while she tells us about how offended she is that we caused it all by not letting her do whatever it is she wanted in the first place. She can be defiant (she has a "look").  Sometimes her cries deteriorate into hilarious babbling.  She rarely sits still, and has become an acrobatic nurser--hilarious and frustrating. She loves to smile and laugh, and she gives the best post-nap cuddles in the world. She laughs when she watches older kids play.

We are so in love with this little beauty we are lucky enough to call our daughter!!! We love her and her personality, and I cannot wait to see how it continues to develop. She has a bit of an attitude, so I think we are in for it! Our parents will sit back and high five themselves for all the heck mine and Darren's attitudes gave them growing up.

She is ours, and we are so lucky :)


*frozen celery sticks are genius solutions to teething woes. a friend suggested it to me, as it had worked for her daughter, so I took her word for it and gave it a shot. Holy moly! Emma loves to chew on them when her teeth are bothering her or she is fussy. She smells like celery more than Darren would like, but I'm okay with that!

Emma Emma!

1. Friday night Darren and I went to a football game at my old high school.  The fans are still crazy, but it was fun. We actually beat the team we were playing (which, if my brother is correct, we haven't done that since 1996. WHAT?)

2. We left as half-time was ending. Emma needed to go to bed, and we were very tired.

3. I have baby fever, and it needs to shut up.

4. I have a million crafting ideas that I want to attempt. Most of them cannot currently be attempted because I do not have one or more of the following: funds, space, know-how. Boo on all three accounts.

5. I spend a lot of time daydreaming about where we will live next, even though we don't know where we are going yet. I'm a daydreamer, and not being able to picture the location of my Christmas Tree properly is awful. Knowing we will be in a new place by Christmas is very exciting!

6. I have finally pinpointed the object of my passion for breastfeeding: knowledge and education. I don't particularly care whether or not a mother chooses to breastfeed, but by golly, moms on both sides ought to at least know the correct information! It drives me crazy when I hear people share incorrect information, whether it is about the actual process of lactation/breastfeeding or the law that protects breastfeeding mothers. For example, I've had more than one person tell me that babies only benefit from breastmilk within the first 4 weeks/3 months/6 months/1 year (I've heard several time frames), and that simply is not true. Breastmilk is never not beneficial (it always contains nutrients and antibodies) (Reference). I think that is my draw to lactation consulting. I want to educate about the facts. I find it all so fascinating, and I can't seem to stop talking about it.

7. I painted my nails yesterday. For the first time PROBABLY EVER I didn't mess it up while it was drying.

8. Emma's napping/nighttime sleep habits have become horrendous lately. I instituted a new bedtime routine today that will hopefully alleviate the problem. I'm sure I also need to develop a morning routine so that we don't laze it away in bed. It probably doesn't help that neither of us are morning people. I'm sure she just wants to stay up late because it's in her blood, just as it is in her mommy's blood, and her grandma's blood, and lots of her aunties' blood...

That's a lot of blood. And a lot of people not going to sleep on time.

9. Darren bought me some dynamite running shoes. I am in love. They are the same shoes as the ones I used to train and run all my races (too many miles were put on those shoes...). Once upon a time I bought new running shoes to replace the originals, but there was a big problem: I bought a different brand that my feet apparently hated. I have never run comfortably in those shoes. When Darren surprised me with the NEW shoes, I nearly fainted. I love how they feel! It doesn't hurt that they are a very excited explosion of color. Like a crayon box vomited on them or something.

10. My 17 month old niece Rachel calls Wonder Baby "Emma Emma!". It is so cute! She sounds like the seagulls from Finding Nemo, quite repetitive with her "Emma Emma!", and always aggressively pointing with her finger lest we mistake who she is referring to. My sister-in-law has told me that she calls other babies "Emma Emma" sometimes.  Yesterday we went to the play place at our mall, and a little girl there was quite enthralled with Emma...AKA "Baby Xavier".  We have now been on the receiving end of the all-babies-look-the-same syndrome.

11. I went to a surprise birthday dinner for the sweetest girl on earth last night. Aaaaaand I was the only mom who brought her baby. Yay for drawing attention to myself! I shouldn't complain, because she really was very good. She's just so dang curious, so I kept shuffling my stuff, and my neighbors' stuff, all around the table to keep it out of her reach (social boundaries destroyed...I never touch other people's plates or cups!). She wants to play with everything. I also got sloppy and accidentally left her snack bowl within reach...she dumped most of it on the floor. I felt like I was wrestling her the whole time (even though it was really my friend Amy who was wrestling her....she entertained her for a long time, for which I am very grateful!). Memo to me: next girls' night, Emma Emma stays home so that I can enjoy myself properly.

Going into Labor Day Weekend

1. Well folks, we did it. We sold my car! Peace out, car payment. I won't be missing you.

2. We took the leftover cash and purchased a used vehicle for a small-ish sum of money. It feels really good to own a car, even if it isn't in exactly pristine condition.

3. Emma is HILARIOUS. I wish I could somehow show off all of the funny faces, sounds, and actions she makes on a daily basis. She keeps me rolling.

4. She has the most ungraceful crawly-scoot in the world. She definitely uses her face to help maintain momentum.

5. Darren bought me a cast iron skillet last week. Pancakes have never tasted so delicious.

6. I cannot believe that Emma will be 7 months old next week. So much time has passed, yet it feels like we brought her home last week. And it feels like she has been with us for eternity. How can it feel so many different ways at one time?!

7. This baby bedding design website is a little bit addicting. It also gives me baby fever something fierce.

8. Darren and I have instituted a weekly date night ritual that we try really hard to be faithful to: ice cream at a local parlor that is reminiscent of those in the olden days.  Sometimes we find a babysitter, and sometimes we just bring Emma along. I officially have a testimony of spousal dating.

9. Have a good Labor Day weekend!

Responsible decision-making

We have some great big changes coming up for out little family and decisions that have to be made.

Neither of us are fans of decision-making.  It usually seems to boil down to a verbal slap fight of "YOU be the responsible one!", "No YOU be the responsible one!", "I don't want to make that decision, I just want you to!", "Well I don't want to!".  And so on and so forth.  We are very mature.

Luckily some decisions are more feared by one of us than the other, so full rights and privileges are granted to the less afraid, and the majority of further dealings are kept secret from the other.  This is probably a recipe for disaster in the long run, but it seems to work for now.  For instance, Darren never knows how much we pay in tithing (besides the educated guess because he obviously knows how much he makes at work...).  If I should be so silly as to speak the total in his presence he plugs his ears and yodels.

By the same token, I have no idea how the boy pays his truck note.  And I don't want to.

Amanda rid her nail polish supply of a host of "rejects" and sent the unwanteds to my home for love and attention.  I've always been great at picking up strays.  I am currently typing with the unappreciated (by my husband) glory of completely opaque white nail polish.  My collection of colors has skyrocketed from 5ish to 25ish. This pleases me greatly!

I painted Emma's little toenails for the first time Sunday morning.  I had thought I would wait for a time when she sucked on her toes less, but I was bored and extremely tired.  I figured she'd survive, and so far, she has. Wonder Baby was less than wonderful about her sleeping habits as we spent the weekend at Amanda's, and we spent the wee hours of Sunday morning in misery and joy.  Guess which of us was miserable.  You are correct. Anyway, to help pass the time between 5 and church, I decided to paint her toes.  Yes, it helped pass 5 minutes.

They are really cool though. They alternate red and yellow, to match the dress I packed for her to wear to church.  She looked super rad.

Mom has been telling us all along that Emma looks like she did as a baby.  She wasn't playin'!

I have been wondering all along where the shape of Emma's eyes comes from since it doesn't resemble Darren's or my eyes. Turns out they come from her Grandma.

Gorgeous.

Happily Married Women

My favorite quote from the other day when I was hanging out with Julie:

"Any happily married woman has a dang good sense of humor. And any woman knocking down doors to get married is an idiot."

She kind of has a point there, on both accounts. ;)

Moral of the story: Even the right man will make you crazy sometimes.  And don't botch the finding process.  

So much insight from someone who has never been married....I love it. And her. 

Snuggling on the couch

1.  I finally lowered the mattress in Emma's crib to it's lowest level.  Picture that in your mind along with my short legs and squatty torso.

Laying a sleeping baby down gracefully is an art that I am in the process of ATTEMPTING to master.  Epic fail tonight.  I let her cry for a bit, but she became just short of hysterical, so I rescued her and we laid down on the couch and nursed for......forever.  Daddy's been sleeping in a comfy bed for what feels like hours.

2.  She is comfortably sleeping in her cozy crib now.  Hooray!

3.  Our home-hunting has become discouraging, so I've decided to take a break for a few weeks.  The Lord will provide.  Hopefully He provides before our lease is over.  We'll be okay!

4.  Emma is becoming funnier every day.  I love to watch her watch the world.  She is such a little observer.  I hang her upside down between my knees sometimes, and she isn't even afraid.  She just turns her little head every which way, checking out how things look from an upside down perspective.

5.  I realized today that my very favorite reason for being a mom is slightly selfish: I love it because her love for me is so unconditional.  She wants me, needs me, knows me, and loves me.  I left her with Aunt Julie for a few minutes today so I could run a quick errand, and when I got back I snuck around the apartment before she noticed me so I could put things away.  As soon as she got a look at me she began spazzing with pure joy, kicking her legs and arms and smiling.  And making her hyperventilat-y happy gasps.  At that point I was caught, and fell in love all over again with her.

6.  Yesterday I was not in love with her.  Teething is horrible, and it makes for one verrrrrry unhappy, clingy, mopy and sad baby.  I feel for her, but I wish I could just push a button and the pain disappear for her.  She is such a joy when her mouth doesn't hurt.

7.  I made chicken broth tonight.  I feel so very domestic.  I also have veggies stored in the freezer rather than rotting in my fridge.  I feel so Molly Mormon.  Granted, nothing about it is organized, and I hardly every actually use veggies....which is why they rot in my fridge.  Not Molly Mormon material.

I love that pudgy hand.
This is from snuggling on the couch tonight. 

New Blog

I'm a little bit scared to present this baby to the world, but here I go.

I have created a new blog.  It is not a replacement for this one, but rather a place to vomit all of the thoughts and ideas and opinions that swirl around in my head all day with no place to go.  It is devoted to all things motherly and baby...ly.  I am/will be disgustingly honest in some places (so if you don't want to hear some of the yuckies of post partum recovery, feel free to steer clear).  I want it to be a helpful site for any who need it to be, but mostly it is, as I said, a place I can plaster my momly thoughts in an honest way and feel like "someone" is listening, even if it is just that creepy dude with no friends on the other side of the country.

Plus it will free up space in my mind and on this blog to not allllllllllllllllllllllways be talking about the ins and outs of raising Emma.

Please, come and visit :)

championmomma.blogspot.com

Where has my mind gone?

1.  I went to bed last night without showering.  That was a mistake.  The temperatures here during the day have been somewhere around 400 degrees Fahrenheit, and the lingering armpit stench is horrendous.  During our sleep-in snuggles/feeding/sleeping this morning Emma became pretty grumpy no matter where I laid her in the bed.  I finally supported her on a pillow in a position that she could eat and fall asleep and she shut right up.  I realized that of all the positions I tried, the quietest ones were furthest from my armpits.  So I did a smell test--BOY HOWDY! I stunk.  As soon as the runt was asleep I jumped up and ran for the shower.  Poor little thing had her head in my armpit all morning.  She should win a prize.

2. She should also win a prize for getting me into the shower before 8:30 on a day I have nowhere to be.

3. I tried to strap my bra on backwards...like a rocket pack.  I'm not sure what stole those brain cells, but I'm not super impressed with myself for that one.

4. A rent house that we wanted was rented to someone else last night.  We had planned to call them this morning and commit to it. I'm super sad about it.

5. I eat oatmeal for breakfast because I'm too poor to afford the super sugary cereal I would rather have.  I'm not 100% sure how I feel about that....the responsible side of me is okay with it and applauds me, but the irresponsible side throws a fit in my head every morning.

6. If you haven't watched this video, I recommend that you do.  My sis-in-law sent it to me and I was cracking up.

7. Emma has been fighting bedtime this week, and an experienced mother gave me some advice yesterday that I was going to try--until I remembered that there was a family gathering at my grandparents'.  I thought to myself, "No big deal, she hasn't gone to bed before 10 this whole week, so she won't care.  I'll try that new thing tomorrow night".  That. little. girl. became fussy around 7:45 and fell asleep (after 45 minutes of passing her around trying to distract her) in my arms at 8:30.  At her normal bedtime.  Naturally, she was disturbed by a carseat and a car ride when we left to return home.  She has it out for me!

Mr. Hottie has my heart

I just wanted to quickly  remind the universe that I made the correct choice when I chose to marry Darren.

Goodness knows the man has his flaws, but he is righteous and loves his wife (most of the time ;) ) and daughter.

Mr. Hottie has my heart.

That is all.

My Sidekick

Our little Emma Rosalie is 6 months old! I know, I can't believe it either.

A compilation of things that make her who she is and why we love her:

• her uber fluffy thighs
• the fat rolls over her kneecaps and knuckles
• her Jeter-y ears
• her giant, gummy, open-mouthed smile
• her gut
• her eyes whose colors change so drastically with every outfit she wears
• her short giggles (she has only belly-laughed a couple of times)...I melt
• her clingy-neediness (hey, I like to be needed.......most of the time)
• the look in her eyes when she is staring into mine
• her absolute adoration for eating--she loves milk and solids
• the way she "calls out" without crying from her bed
• her pooping face
• the delirious way she acts when she is tired
• her ability to roll over
• the way she smiles at Darren every time he accuses her of shafting him
• she way she flounders so desperately on the floor when she is trying to crawl
• the way she "jackrabbits" in our arms when she wants something we are holding out of reach
• her cuddliness
• the way she sprawls in bed when we fall asleep together--usually with one arm across my arm and her legs propped up on my thigh
• her curiosity.  she will throw herself from our arms to reach something she wants to touch or chew on.  she wants to investigate every little thing that catches her attention.  crawling will be the death of me.
• her sad cries.  the whininess makes me crazy, but at the same time it is such a unique and adorable sound that I know we are able to help resolve (or at least attempt to...she can be stubborn) 
• the way she talks to baby videos, including videos of herself
• the squeaky sounds, dinosaur growling, and choppy (not sure how else to describe it) sounds she makes when she is playing by herself or talking to us
• her overall incredibly pleasant disposition.  she is a REALLY happy baby
• her snobby expressions  when people talk to her
• her flirty behavior when people talk to her
• the way she is so easily startled--it's a little bit hilarious and sad all at once (I've made her cry a few times...)
• the way she sucks her thumb
• the way she sucks her thumb when she is tired and snuggling with me (it induces a whole different emotion for me, so I promise this isn't a duplicate bullet point ;) )
• the way she plays with and loves her stuffed dog that we got for her before she was even born.  she even had it clutched close while she was nursing in bed last night. love.
• the way she endures our never-ending kisses ;)
• her jealousy when she notices that Darren and I are cuddling and she is being left out (she might be a little possessive of her mother...)
• the way she sits on the floor at the entrance of the kitchen or bathroom when I am trying to cook or get my make-up done.  she just sits and smiles and talks and plays with whatever burp cloth I toss down to her.
• the way she ferociously attacks everything when her gums are hurting her.  if it fits even a little bit, she will gnaw on it.
• the way she refuses to hold on to binkies.  she loves to chew on them when her mouth is hurting, but only if I'm willing to hold it there.  otherwise the first distraction that makes her smile will send the little thing tumbling right out.  it is very cute and aggravating all at once.
• the way she watches people and things.  the discovery in her eyes is so beautiful.

I could, literally, go on forever.  That girl is just a wonder to me.

As far as sidekicks go, I'm glad mine is so adorable and willing to be my little best friend.

Written by my own mom:

Great description of the real Emma. You left out the way she teases Darren with her arrogant, "I'll call you if I need you" look....And, last night, she was cleaerly tattling on you to him when you were holding Rachel. She repeatedly looked to him for back-up, expecting him to make you listen and behave. Good luck, baby. I know it comes as a shock to you, but mom and dad are on the same team, believe it or not!

I drew eyebrows on her. Teeheehee.

Exercise and Love

1.  I have officially exercised two days so far this week.  Two more to go.

2.  On Monday, I totally overdid it.  I know that sounds wimpy, and I hate to sound like I'm not up to the challenge, but man....something overdid something.  I did a mile in the morning (it was awesome), but then in the evening we went on a 3 mile "family run" with a local running club.  It ended up being me and a 17 lb baby in a jogging stroller while Darren sat in the car and waited for our return.  In his defense, I parked the car without knowing where the race began or the course would go.  Naturally, it was really far away from the start, and the course ran the opposite direction.  So much for passing the stroller off to him "on a loop".  It. was. miserable.  I may or may not have tried to pawn the baby off on other runners, but nobody would do it.

Lazies.

Anyway, by the time I went to bed I was feeling sick, my head was POUNDING, and I felt flu-ish.  The feeling lingered until the next afternoon. Blegh.

3.  I feel much better tonight.  The only two working treadmills at our gym were occupied, so I resorted to the elliptical (which machine I hate).  I forced myself to do 15 minutes.  It actually wasn't that bad (as opposed to last time I did the elliptical and nearly collapsed...and that time I was only on it for 10 minutes).  Either way, it is better than nothing.

4.  This weekend I am helping to man the table for a breastfeeding peer support group I am a member of at a family and baby expo.  I am very excited to be proactive about something for like, the first time ever.  I'm not sure what all it will entail, but I know we'll be talking a lot about boobies.

5.  Then I have a chiropractic appointment in the afternoon.  I cannot tell you how long it has taken me to work up the courage to ask my former boss for an adjustment (I got them for free as an employee....it just seems rude to expect the same treatment now).  Anyway, we've agreed to barter for food.  She will get a jar of homemade tomato sauce.  I think she'll appreciate that.

6.  My neck, my ankles, my head, my back, and most importantly, my child-bearing hips, are SO excited to attend this appointment.  To say my bones have shifted since the last adjustment (which took place some time in January) would be a big fat understatement.

8.  Emma will be 6 months old this Friday.  6 MONTHS.  Say it isn't so.

9.  She is an absolute doll.  That is, when she isn't teething.  She has been in the flirtiest of flirty moods today, and despite the fact that we made 16 million stops while running errands, everybody we met got some of her best smiles.

10.  All of her smiles are covered in drool these days.  I love it.  I even love it when I go in for a kiss and she manages to smear it all over me.  My gag reflex kicks in a little bit, but there is something about it that I can't get enough of.  I love my baby girl!

These guys are the loves of my life.

Morning accomplishments

I ran a mile this morning!

Yes, you read that right.  THIS MORNING.

The very act of doing so had me so fired up, my head made a list of things I would accomplish as I walked home from the sitter's apartment.

And here I sit on my living room floor not having accomplished a single one.

Wait, that isn't true.  I showered and ate brunch.

The laundry and dirty carpet are still leering at me because they know me better than I do.

I ate too much for brunch.

Burp cloths are too small, and other things

1.  I went to a baby shower tonight that had approximately 14 million guests.  Like, The Royal Wedding didn't have as many attendants.

2.  I gave a 100% homemade gift. Go me.  I normally show up to such functions empty handed (because I'm a cheapskate slimeball who spends her dollars on Chick-fil-A and diapers rather than stuff for other people).

3.  The gift I gave? I'm glad you asked.  I'm actually a little annoyed that the gift was even available to give, because as soon as I discovered it in the planning stages I was upset with myself for not thinking of it months ago for my own kid.  Alas, I will get over it.  I simply scavenged my drawers for those mostly useless receiving blankets that pregnant ladies receive and sliced them up to make burp cloths that are the right size, and soft enough to not scratch a baby's face off.  The blankets are already basically giant burp cloths anyway, since they are barely large enough to swaddle a hamster.

Just in case you are reading this and happened to bestow these blankets on me (I haven't the slightest remembrance of who gave them to me), don't think I'm not grateful.  I did use them when Wonder Baby was teeny tiny, but more for snuggling than swaddling.

In any case, they make great burp cloths.

4.  Speaking of burp cloths, has anyone ever noticed how ridiculously small those things are? As if.  Kari, if you are reading this and possibly wondering why I made yours so huge....the answer is simple.  Because they should all be that way.

5.  My Wonder Baby has an ear infection, and it is a pitiful sight to see.  She fluctuates between being the happiest kid on the planet to the saddest, whiniest, and snively little thing. It breaks my heart.  She received her first dose on antibiotics ever tonight.

6.  When I smelled her meds the little kid inside of me got excited.  I loved the taste of that junk way back when.

7.  I got an iPhone this weekend.  My reasons for choosing this device boil down to two: 1) I want to feel cool, and 2) the majority of my siblings and siblings-in-law use them.  Win-win.

8.  Some girl cousins of mine and myself held a girls' night this weekend at my place.  It was delightful! We talked about any and everything, largely inappropriate stuff.  We also went swimming.  It definitely needs to happen on a more regular basis.

9.  A woman called out to her mother at the shower tonight, and I turned around to answer.  I can't possibly tell you why since my only offspring cannot yet form the word, much less speak it with the voice of a full grown woman.

10.

That has to be the most winning smile I have ever seen on a baby.  Such a happy little girl! I love her to pieces.

"I just had a baby"

Some feelings I have been experiencing lately concerning motherhood and raising a baby:

• Weight. I miss my body.  I seriously never thought I would say this, but I do.  I remember thinking "I have the body of a cutely pudgy mom" before I was married.  Oh no I didn't.  I NOW have the body of an uncutely pudgy mom, and I hate it.  I really honestly do.  The stretch marks don't annoy me so much as the never ending fluffy sag, and the fact that my hips will apparently never shrink again.  Fluffy skin aside, I should be able to get my jammie pants back on by now.  But I can't.  Not most of them anyway.
• I think we should all travel back in time and punch me in the face for not appreciating myself back then.
• I'm tired of using the "I just had a baby" excuse for how I look.  It is a cop out, and I'm done.  I've been running more the last couple of weeks, and I am pretty proud of me. I haven't been yet this week, but I've also been sick.  Tomorrow night IT IS ON.
• I also want my hair to stop falling out, if it isn't too much to ask.
• Breastfeeding.  We are just over 5 months in on this journey, and I am only recently beginning to realize how much I value that bond.  Up to this point it has been "the natural thing to do" that I cared about, but didn't really appreciate.  Now I am in awe every time I see Emma's rollie pollie legs, knowing that something I provided her with made that.  It is very empowering whenever I consider it, and I wish that all women could experience that feeling.  It is one redeeming quality I respect about my body currently, in reference to the first bullet point =) 
• Side note ...I want to be a lactation consultant.  I feel an urge to learn more, contribute to the field, and help make a difference in the lives of moms and babies.  I feel oddly passionate about it, and as Darren will lament, that is a rather rare way for me to feel.  I am not passionate about enough things, apparently! Haha
• Caretaking.  That is the other major bond I could not fathom at the beginning.  My life revolves around her needs, and I love that.  She knows I will be here, and she trusts me.  I love to let other people care for her as well, but sometimes I just NEED to.  For instance, she was constipated Monday night, and after "helping" her finish the job, through lots of shrieking cries on her side and pleading encouragements on mine, all I could think about was holding her and letting her know she would be okay.  I needed to love her, and I could not let it go.  Darren tried to take her afterwards (I was working on a project), and I was devastated.  She needed me....and by that I mean that I needed her.  The project had to wait.
• Mommy wars.  I have sooooooo much to say on this topic, but this will be the super short Reader's Digest version.  I hear/read so many hateful comments about the decisions that mothers make, from crib sleeping/co sleeping to breastfeeding/formula feeding to BF in public to the circumcision debate, and so on.  There is enough inherent guilt attached to raising these little creatures, and most ladies I know are pretty good at beating themselves up.  There are so many differing opinions on my Facebook alone that I honestly consider the possible comments I could receive from certain people before I post certain pictures or links.  Within the FB groups I am in I constantly see moms posting questions followed up by a mile long list of justifications for why they do what they do.  Moms should not have to be so defensive. Let's stop beating each other up and let it be. Babies just need love, kisses, and clean diapers, in that order. The rest is all fluff. 

A few pictures

July 4 ...she sucked that puppy dry

My sewing skills have advanced, ever so slightly! She loves to play with this and chew on it.

I'm kind of obsessed with watching her sleep ...I have way too many photos of the activity.

The picture won't rotate, but the expression is cute.

And, again. 

Evidence of breakfast

HOW is she comfortable with her arm extended like that??? Alas, she was passed clean out.  Must not have been too bad.

Music

It seems we have a tiny prodigy on our hands.  Wonder Baby is proficient at the piano and the imaginary cello.

P.S. She looks so adorably bald from more than two feet away.

Other P.S. I maintain my belief that she looks like a baby elf in the second picture.

To Whom it May Concern

Occasionally I check out my blog stats and am a little blown away by them.

People in very far away countries have read my blog.

Hello, strangers.  Please don't be creepy.

Much love,

Me

Happy babies and Fathers' Day

It's now 3:35 AM on Saturday, and I am entertaining dehydrated leg muscles...basically.  They feel a lot like pregnant legs and are affecting my ability to sleep.  Pickle juice and water usually help in a pinch, so here I sit with a tiny jar of pickle relish from the fridge and a baby spoon.  Not my favorite way to spend this time of morning.  

Coconut water works better than pickle juice.  I wish I had some.

I took brownies to the ward picnic last night, and they were all eaten! Granted I only made one batch, and there were at least 1.2 million people there, but it still felt good to see an empty plate =)

Mom babysat Emma for me yesterday so that I could go to a baby shower, and when I returned to her I found her crying in her Grandma's arms.  I said "Hi" to get her attention and see how she would react: She tried to keep crying, but then she kind of smiled mid-frown, and then she hid her face like she was embarrassed to have been caught smiling while crying.  It was probably the cutest thing ever.  And among the "realest" of emotional feelings I've seen her express.  She's always so happy to have me back, and I love it.  I don't love that she refuses all food and drink in my absence, however =)

She is still typically a very happy baby, and is pretty content to chill.  I love that she loves me.  I think she's warming up to Darren more these days as well.  Mom got to witness her waking from a long nap last week.  She doesn't cry for me to come, she simply calls for me with a loud, "AHH!" every ten seconds or so.  Ignored long enough, it turns into crying, but I love love love that she isn't fussy about it. 

We finished Alias this week, and I am in mourning.  I didn't realize I was so attached to the show.  I've been actively considering naming a daughter "Sydney" in honor of Sydney Bristow. I'm not crazy about it though, so I'm sure it will get bumped when my sadness goes away.

If this doesn't bespeak total relaxation, I'm not sure what does:

Also, I don't want to brag, but I feel like I rocked it.  I'm pretty terrible at remembering what people want when it comes time to give them gifts, so I usually end up wandering the stores aimlessly until my mind convinces me that they are just dying to own a copy of some obscure 60s movie.  Several weeks ago Darren rambled on about how much he wanted a cookie jar--something he has done multiple times since before we were even married.  For the first time, probably ever, the secretary in my mind woke up and wrote down in huge letters, "COOKIE JAR FOR FATHER'S DAY. DO NOT FORGET.".  I made it my mission to find the perfect cookie jar, partly because I wanted to find the perfect one, and partly because I knew that if it consumed my thoughts, I would not forget. =) ...I couldn't find any that I liked for the right prices online, so Emma and I stopped by the antique shops, and I found just the right one about halfway through the first store.  I found several that I almost settled for, but Emma's guardian angel was sick of watching me fret and finally gave my shoulders a good spin, and the perfect one was directly behind me, on a bottom shelf, hovering in shadows.  The lady selling goods in that section of the store happened to be standing nearby and offered me a deal, so I took it.  Darren was very excited to find a "fully loaded" cookie jar on his kitchen counter! We are both in love with it.  

It will hold just under 4 dozen baked chocolate chip cookies or two packages of Oreos. Yum!