"I just had a baby"

Some feelings I have been experiencing lately concerning motherhood and raising a baby:

• Weight. I miss my body.  I seriously never thought I would say this, but I do.  I remember thinking "I have the body of a cutely pudgy mom" before I was married.  Oh no I didn't.  I NOW have the body of an uncutely pudgy mom, and I hate it.  I really honestly do.  The stretch marks don't annoy me so much as the never ending fluffy sag, and the fact that my hips will apparently never shrink again.  Fluffy skin aside, I should be able to get my jammie pants back on by now.  But I can't.  Not most of them anyway.
• I think we should all travel back in time and punch me in the face for not appreciating myself back then.
• I'm tired of using the "I just had a baby" excuse for how I look.  It is a cop out, and I'm done.  I've been running more the last couple of weeks, and I am pretty proud of me. I haven't been yet this week, but I've also been sick.  Tomorrow night IT IS ON.
• I also want my hair to stop falling out, if it isn't too much to ask.
• Breastfeeding.  We are just over 5 months in on this journey, and I am only recently beginning to realize how much I value that bond.  Up to this point it has been "the natural thing to do" that I cared about, but didn't really appreciate.  Now I am in awe every time I see Emma's rollie pollie legs, knowing that something I provided her with made that.  It is very empowering whenever I consider it, and I wish that all women could experience that feeling.  It is one redeeming quality I respect about my body currently, in reference to the first bullet point =) 
• Side note ...I want to be a lactation consultant.  I feel an urge to learn more, contribute to the field, and help make a difference in the lives of moms and babies.  I feel oddly passionate about it, and as Darren will lament, that is a rather rare way for me to feel.  I am not passionate about enough things, apparently! Haha
• Caretaking.  That is the other major bond I could not fathom at the beginning.  My life revolves around her needs, and I love that.  She knows I will be here, and she trusts me.  I love to let other people care for her as well, but sometimes I just NEED to.  For instance, she was constipated Monday night, and after "helping" her finish the job, through lots of shrieking cries on her side and pleading encouragements on mine, all I could think about was holding her and letting her know she would be okay.  I needed to love her, and I could not let it go.  Darren tried to take her afterwards (I was working on a project), and I was devastated.  She needed me....and by that I mean that I needed her.  The project had to wait.
• Mommy wars.  I have sooooooo much to say on this topic, but this will be the super short Reader's Digest version.  I hear/read so many hateful comments about the decisions that mothers make, from crib sleeping/co sleeping to breastfeeding/formula feeding to BF in public to the circumcision debate, and so on.  There is enough inherent guilt attached to raising these little creatures, and most ladies I know are pretty good at beating themselves up.  There are so many differing opinions on my Facebook alone that I honestly consider the possible comments I could receive from certain people before I post certain pictures or links.  Within the FB groups I am in I constantly see moms posting questions followed up by a mile long list of justifications for why they do what they do.  Moms should not have to be so defensive. Let's stop beating each other up and let it be. Babies just need love, kisses, and clean diapers, in that order. The rest is all fluff.