1. I am losing so much hair this pregnancy! With Emma I had nothing but luscious locks, but with this little butter bean my head is behaving really similarly to how it did after Emma was born. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiirrrrrr eeeeeevvvvveeeerrrrryyyyywwwwwhhhheeeeeerrrreeee.
2. My latest Netflix venture is "Chuck". I'm enjoying everything about it, though Darren doesn't seem to care much for it. He makes fun of me every time the show makes me laugh. As though it's any more nerdy than his shows....* scoff *
3. I look forward to the day when a bad night of sleep for Emma doesn't have to mean a bad night of sleep for me. I only had got up with her once, for a grand total of about 30-40 minutes, but I kept hearing her over the monitor randomly cry out in her sleep, all night long. That, of course, had me on high alert when I really didn't want to be, making it hard to relax.
4. Several months ago, Holli recommended that I look into the words and works of Cesar Millan in order to maximize my relationship with Spock. Since she has the world's best dog, I knew I could trust her recommendation. Darren scoffed (does he ever not? ;) ) and rolled his eyes at his memories of his many customers wanting Cesar stuff when he worked at Petco. I can understand the negative association (much like I roll my eyes every time I hear someone say they only ever use homeopathic medicine...not inherently a bad idea, but you just get so sick of hearing about it on the clock that it haunts you forever...). ANYWAY. I happened to find a beat up book of his when I was at Petco one day. I don't know why it was in the condition it was in, but I took advantage and asked for a discount, was granted it, and took it home. It took a while to get into because I am honestly very turned off with all his "colors of the wind" speech (for lack of a better description), but I'm finally getting into the meat of it, and all I can say is that I can recognize truth when I see it. My attitude as a dog-mom is changing, and it's really helping me understand him better and communicate with him more effectively (I hope). My sis-in-law's dad also recommended using Pupperoni as incentive. I tell you, I've never seen that dog lay down so fast...
5. For some reason, every single time I've ever posted on Facebook about Wuthering Heights, everyone and their mom tries to convince me that it is the worst book in the world. Have I seriously not made it clear enough that is is my FAVORITE book in the world? (if you have known me a while, the answer is, "Of course you've made it perfectly clear.") Nothing nice to say, keep your trap shut. Come on. I'm beginning to take it personal, though that may be the hormones reacting.
In all honesty, it depends on who is talking. People with whom I've had a longstanding discussion about it are welcome to reiterate their opinions--I expect them. It's everyone else. If a friend of mine posted about their favorite movie/book/magazine/whatever I would never hop on and trash it. I would assume I have nothing to contribute and let them continue on in their preference because my opinion is irrelevant.
Again. It might just be the hormones. Or I might hate the world.
6. Today I emptied and began the cleaning process for several sippy cups and two bottles that haven't been cleaned in, literally, days-weeks. It was revolting. If I ever have to feed my children formula as infants, we are in for a bad run...dishes are not my forte.
They are currently soaking in the most piping hot soapy water ever.
Friday, June 27, 2014
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Splish splash!
It only took 4 rounds of coming to the splash park, but Wonder Baby finally took the plunge! She was ALL OVER that place! Normally I have to force her in the water, which leads to a lot of running away and sputtering. I didn't even have to get wet! I love that water baby.
On weaning
Weaning.
The word itself makes me cringe.
It sounds so much like....deprivation? Like, "you clearly need, want, or depend on this so much we have to manipulate you into living happily without it" deprivation.
In any case, it's been a hot topic around here for a few months now as we've been trying to figure out the right time and how we are going to approach it. Sure, I'd love to let her nurse as long as she wants, but I'm too selfish for that. Not that moms who wean are selfish, but I literally can't come up with a reason as to why I should wean her that isn't completely in my own self-interest. So be it.
The most compelling reason has been the winner though, it having everything to do with how The Girls feel in light of my being with child. They don't feel great.
It's pretty easy to say "no" when the alternative is super painful.
I think Emma has nursed her last. Tuesday morning was the last time we nursed this week, and I've been saying "no" ever since, with fairly minimal protesting. Sure, she keeps asking. But all I have to do (most of the time) is ask her where her milk is, and she goes to retrieve her sippy from wherever she last left it.
Putting her down for her nap or bedtime is still tricky, but it seems to be getting easier. And by that I mean smoother. Easy is relative, and the evolving routine seems to take a very long time. That kid takes a while to drift to sleep without nursing.
The reality of it is starting to sink in, and it is making me sad. I miss that part of our relationship and will always remember it as special. At the same time, that aspect of our relationship is transitioning into something new, something equally special, and something that I'm excited about. The cuddles I get when she's falling asleep now are out of this world, whereas before, cuddling always meant nursing. The version of her that just sits on my lap and lays on my chest when she wants to reconnect throughout the day is a version of her that I have been waiting to meet for a long time. My baby is becoming my little girl.
The word itself makes me cringe.
It sounds so much like....deprivation? Like, "you clearly need, want, or depend on this so much we have to manipulate you into living happily without it" deprivation.
In any case, it's been a hot topic around here for a few months now as we've been trying to figure out the right time and how we are going to approach it. Sure, I'd love to let her nurse as long as she wants, but I'm too selfish for that. Not that moms who wean are selfish, but I literally can't come up with a reason as to why I should wean her that isn't completely in my own self-interest. So be it.
The most compelling reason has been the winner though, it having everything to do with how The Girls feel in light of my being with child. They don't feel great.
It's pretty easy to say "no" when the alternative is super painful.
I think Emma has nursed her last. Tuesday morning was the last time we nursed this week, and I've been saying "no" ever since, with fairly minimal protesting. Sure, she keeps asking. But all I have to do (most of the time) is ask her where her milk is, and she goes to retrieve her sippy from wherever she last left it.
Putting her down for her nap or bedtime is still tricky, but it seems to be getting easier. And by that I mean smoother. Easy is relative, and the evolving routine seems to take a very long time. That kid takes a while to drift to sleep without nursing.
The reality of it is starting to sink in, and it is making me sad. I miss that part of our relationship and will always remember it as special. At the same time, that aspect of our relationship is transitioning into something new, something equally special, and something that I'm excited about. The cuddles I get when she's falling asleep now are out of this world, whereas before, cuddling always meant nursing. The version of her that just sits on my lap and lays on my chest when she wants to reconnect throughout the day is a version of her that I have been waiting to meet for a long time. My baby is becoming my little girl.
Go, go, go
I seriously, at this moment, do not think I could be any more tired than I am.
Let me tell you about my day...
I knew in advance that today would be exhausting. I was scared to face it, but all days end, no matter how tiring, right? Oh please be right.
We started by not getting much sleep the night before. That part I did NOT know about in advance. Emma woke up before I went to bed, complaining of some teething pains. Lucky for me, I developed some pretty funky nausea right about the same time, so we were quite a pair. She finally fell asleep completely (i.e. soundly enough for me to sneak out of the room...something I attempted about 6 times) around 2 AM. I was awakened at 5:55 this morning by what sounded like Spock trying to bust out of his gate. I hurried out to stop him because it was noisy and Darren's alarm was set for 6 o'clock. We all know there's nothing crueler than waking up right before your alarm goes off.
It wasn't Spock making all that racket, though he was wide awake. I threw my bedroom door open to see Emma at the end of the hall rattling the dog gate like a prisoner and giggling. I noticed a pile of toys at Spock's feet, evidence that a generous toddler was in the vicinity. I let Spock out and took Emma and her toys back to her bedroom, which, by the way, had been completely rearranged.
This all begs the question, "How long has Emma been awake?"
We'll never know.
Fast forward to play group. We went to the splash park. I knew being outside was a risk because NOTHING drains my energy faster than sunlight. I'm the opposite of just about every solar energy device.
When we got home I had an hour to get us showered, fed, and ready to run out the door to pick my grandma up for visiting teaching.
We had three appointments, and our team consisted of one old lady, one pregnant lady, one baby and an non-air conditioned vehicle. That's a lot of driving in the bloody, blistery heat, a lot of carseat action, a lot of trying to talk over the wind blowing in the windows, and a heck-a-lot of being thirsty. Also, a lot of trying to keep Emma from destroying the homes of the women we were visiting.
Oh, and NO NAPS FOR MOMMY.
All in all, my face feels like it has 5 pound sandbags hanging from my eyeballs and I've been craving Thanksgiving dinner for the last 24 hours.
Longest. day. ever.
----------------------------------------
In light of all my whining above, I just wanted to mention that Emma has been quite a dear so far tonight in that she fell asleep on the way home for a late visit to my parents', and stayed asleep for the transfer from car to bed. She woke up briefly a few minutes ago, but wanted nothing more than for me to snuggle her in bed. She's asleep again.
Easy bedtimes are like mini lotteries for me. I can't believe I won.
Let me tell you about my day...
I knew in advance that today would be exhausting. I was scared to face it, but all days end, no matter how tiring, right? Oh please be right.
We started by not getting much sleep the night before. That part I did NOT know about in advance. Emma woke up before I went to bed, complaining of some teething pains. Lucky for me, I developed some pretty funky nausea right about the same time, so we were quite a pair. She finally fell asleep completely (i.e. soundly enough for me to sneak out of the room...something I attempted about 6 times) around 2 AM. I was awakened at 5:55 this morning by what sounded like Spock trying to bust out of his gate. I hurried out to stop him because it was noisy and Darren's alarm was set for 6 o'clock. We all know there's nothing crueler than waking up right before your alarm goes off.
It wasn't Spock making all that racket, though he was wide awake. I threw my bedroom door open to see Emma at the end of the hall rattling the dog gate like a prisoner and giggling. I noticed a pile of toys at Spock's feet, evidence that a generous toddler was in the vicinity. I let Spock out and took Emma and her toys back to her bedroom, which, by the way, had been completely rearranged.
This all begs the question, "How long has Emma been awake?"
We'll never know.
Fast forward to play group. We went to the splash park. I knew being outside was a risk because NOTHING drains my energy faster than sunlight. I'm the opposite of just about every solar energy device.
When we got home I had an hour to get us showered, fed, and ready to run out the door to pick my grandma up for visiting teaching.
We had three appointments, and our team consisted of one old lady, one pregnant lady, one baby and an non-air conditioned vehicle. That's a lot of driving in the bloody, blistery heat, a lot of carseat action, a lot of trying to talk over the wind blowing in the windows, and a heck-a-lot of being thirsty. Also, a lot of trying to keep Emma from destroying the homes of the women we were visiting.
Oh, and NO NAPS FOR MOMMY.
All in all, my face feels like it has 5 pound sandbags hanging from my eyeballs and I've been craving Thanksgiving dinner for the last 24 hours.
Longest. day. ever.
----------------------------------------
In light of all my whining above, I just wanted to mention that Emma has been quite a dear so far tonight in that she fell asleep on the way home for a late visit to my parents', and stayed asleep for the transfer from car to bed. She woke up briefly a few minutes ago, but wanted nothing more than for me to snuggle her in bed. She's asleep again.
Easy bedtimes are like mini lotteries for me. I can't believe I won.
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
To make it official...
Awwww yeeeeeaaah! I got me a little butterbean in my lady oven. We're creeping up on 10 weeks now, and I'm feeling
Anyway, for Blogsterity's sake, this is what I think about all day and night:
- My belly is growing fast. So fast.
- My pants don't fit.
- My skin is SOOOOOOOOOO GREASY. I bypassed teenage acne with a porcelain facade, but that is no more. I've never had so many pimples! I can't wait until these early pregnancy symptoms fade into nothing more than an ugly memory.
- I'm tired.
- My hair is also super greasy. If you see me about, I'm likely sporting a nappy messy bun. It's better than the grease pile.
- My boobs hurt, and nursing is the pits. Consequently, we're on an accelerated course towards having a fully weaned Emma. I'm still nursing her at bedtime though. I can handle one round of pain a day... for now.
- I'm tired.
- I can't breathe.
- I'm not sure I'll be able to physically handle living a functional life with two children. I know I'm tired now, so when I try to imagine Future Me she is always as tired as Present Me. It's exhausting to day dream.
- I am moooooooooody.
- ...and EXCESSIVELY emotional! I cry. All the time. The stupid Disney channel chokes me up when it plays even the remotest of sappy scenes.
- I smell terrible approximately way too soon after I shower.
- Eating makes me feel really stuffed really fast. And then I have a hard time breathing.
- I'm tired.
- I can't wait to snuggle a newborn.
- I'm excited for Emma to be a big sister. She tried to take her newborn cousin from my arms the other day. She handled the baby about like she handles puppies. Strangle nation.
- I am grateful every day that we transitioned Emma from the crib to a twin mattress. We spend a lot of time in her room with the door shut--her playing with her toys and me sleeping/playing dead on her bed, content in knowing she can't escape. It's always fun to watch her play, almost oblivious to my presence. She knows how to keep herself busy, that's for sure. Sometimes she'll crawl in bed with me and fall asleep. Occasionally she wakes me up crying because she's hurt herself. Other times she wakes me up by planting a sloppy kiss on my mouth. I guess true love really does wake the princess ;)
- Mental exhaustion. Can't keep track of nada. Can't even use the correct words half of the time.
- I'm tired.
In any case, we are excited beyond belief. This little baby is quite loved already, and I look forward to all the fun parts of pregnancy that lie ahead. Thanks for letting me whine about the less fun parts :)
Saturday, June 7, 2014
Midnight musings
I can't sleep.
History has proven that blogging under these circumstances will prove any one or combination of boring, long-winded, short, exciting, hilarious, or lame. Proceed at your own discretion.
1. I've become super passionate about breastfeeding Emma. In the beginning it was the obvious choice, then it became a chore, then it became an accomplishment, then it became a need, and now.....I don't even know what to call it. I don't want to breastfeed her forever, because in a lot of ways it is more inconvenient than any emotional benefit I can claim for myself, but I don't want to stop. I don't want to be responsible for stopping. I don't want to arbitrarily choose a day and say, "This shall be the last." I love our relationship. I love when she stares at me while nursing. I love when she smiles. I love when I tickle her feet and she tries so hard to not laugh because she doesn't want to lose her grip. I love when she stops suddenly to make faces at me because she knows they'll make me laugh. I love how much she loves nursing. I love the times when I'm so caught up in playing on my phone or the computer, or staring at the TV, and I think to take a moment and glance at her face, and she is just seriously staring at me. It's as though she's saying, "Hey Mom, this really isn't going to last forever. Pay attention and enjoy me." It's those times when I discard my distractions and interact with her. The payoff is immediate, because her reaction is immediate. She knows when I'm paying attention--REALLY paying attention.
Incidentally, I did attempt to wean her cold turkey a few weeks ago. We lasted 48 hours. For the most part it was a seamless transition. I wasn't ready though. I felt like something was missing, and I was becoming increasingly unhappy about choosing to stop, but felt burdened by my decision, scared to be responsible for botching our progress. Even so, I did just that. When I let her nurse again, the way she reacted made me cry. I don't even really know how to describe it. You know when people post YouTube videos on Facebook of baby animals reuniting with their parents, or children with their military parents, etc? You know those tears you cry because the happiness of the people/animals in the videos is so tangible? That's what it was like. She was so CONTENT. So pleased. So comfortable. So happy. Everything was just right in her world. I cried a lot.
2. We have all the paint we need to paint the interior of our house. Problem is, I hate painting walls. Any takers? We even have a ceiling that needs some attention.
3. I am constantly amazed at how things seem to never go according to plan, but Heavenly Father keeps us afloat. Even with all the stupid decisions we've made/continue to make. He forgives our folly, and provides the necessary means. I hope I choose to be that kind of parent in the critical moments.
4. We got air conditioning in one of our vehicles today. I cannot even begin to describe how luxurious that feels when driving down the road. It seemed like such an inaccessible dream (and it is still not a done deal...you know how credit cards are...), but it's happened. Do not take your air conditioning for granted, folks! Retrieving Emma from her car seat and not having to wipe her face and pat the back of her clothes dry is almost reward enough. In any case, that vehicle is going to scout camp next week, so I certainly won't be reaping the benefits. Darren will be, however, when he returns from a week in the forest with a group of young boys whose hygiene is already questionable. I can only imagine the stench.
5. I have this terrible condition where I am terrible at being a friend, and often decline invitations to social events when they don't suit my mood. The terrible consequence of that is that when I most want to go out, I don't have anyone to call on. I don't let myself become particularly close to anyone, so the notion of spontaneous girls' nights is unreachable. I blame the fact that I never learned how to be friends with girls, and now that I'm married, I can't just go hang out with the guys. Not that I have any guys left, but seriously. That is probably the only thing I really miss about being single. Hanging out with the guys. Couple hang outs are cool and all, but that's a whole 'nother level of complexity, because it essentially requires a million entities to accept and love all the others under those circumstances, and I'm just not that great at navigating those treacherous waters. I will say we hung out with a couple from our ward last week, and we had a blast. I was 100% at ease. I left at "intermission" (between swimming/food and movie) to go home and change from my swimsuit into real clothes before we started the movie (didn't even think to pack them), and returned to their home in sweat pants, an old t-shirt, and my house slippers. I was kind of anxious about how she might feel about my complete grunginess, but when I walked in I saw that she'd changed into basically the same thing, except she was wearing shorts. I'm so grateful for sloppy clothes.
6. I am so over the "I wish I knew who my true friends were" posts on Facebook. Isn't there some way I can set them all up together so that all those lonely people can become each other's true friends? As stated above, my true friendship really seems to only extend as far as my own personal convenience will let it. We'll cover my selfishness issues another times.
7. I am also over the assumptions people make. This is totally blown out of proportion, I know. I really shouldn't be so irritated, but the truth is that I am. When people assume things about me to my face, I want nothing more than to spite them completely by doing the opposite. I was speaking to another mom recently, and I was telling a food story about Emma. I don't even remember what the story was. I just know I was interrupted partway through a sentence with, "YOU'RE STILL BREASTFEEDING HER THOUGH, RIGHT?!". Um...yes? "Oh good, just checking...". Just checking? JUST CHECKING? I'm sorry I forgot to submit our monthly "still at it!" report to your office, lady. But, oh yeah, it's none of your business! If she had asked in any other manner I wouldn't be irritated about it, but my goodness. As though Emma's life were at stake. What would she have said if I had told her no? I really wonder. It was also nice to know that she was truly listening. It means a lot to know that I was just spewing words until her brain filter picked up the buzzwords she felt like reacting to.
8. I finally got my wedding ring re-sized and am able to wear it again this week for the first time in months. As much as I hated to concede to the reality of my now super chubby fingers, I feel like a new wife again. I can't stop staring at it. I had forgotten how staring at it makes me think about Darren more throughout the day. I love having that reminder.
9. Spock has fleas. Ugh. His meds came in today, so hopefully by the time I check on him tomorrow he'll be in the clear. I'm new to all this, and it's not my favorite thing. He's been so neglected during this time, and it makes me sad.
10. When Emma and I went to retrieve the now air conditioned car today, we made a memory. I did anyway. It was so inconvenient, but such a randomly sweet experience. I was carrying her absurdly heavy carseat a bit awkwardly over my should, kind of like a plate in a restaurant, and with my other hand, was holding Emma's hand. Since the mechanic is within walking distance (2 minutes without a child or carseat....about 10 with), I knew that was the only way we could make it with the carseat. She was a champ. There were a few times she wanted to explore away from me, but for the most part she stayed the course. She was so curious about everything she saw. We walked along the gravel alleyway behind our home for a short spell, and as soon as she realized she was on rocks she threw my hand and stopped to bend over and get some. I bent to grab her hand, and she went limp on me. She's so determined to get what she wants, and it is really pretty cute (albeit life-threatening when I'm lunging for her with a bajillion pound carseat over my head). When we got to the shop I set the carseat down in front of the counter and placed her in the seat. For the duration of our visit she watched workers go by, smiling and waving at each one. I so love that little girl.
Speaking of her, I've heard her stirring and whining. She wants me. Peace out.
History has proven that blogging under these circumstances will prove any one or combination of boring, long-winded, short, exciting, hilarious, or lame. Proceed at your own discretion.
1. I've become super passionate about breastfeeding Emma. In the beginning it was the obvious choice, then it became a chore, then it became an accomplishment, then it became a need, and now.....I don't even know what to call it. I don't want to breastfeed her forever, because in a lot of ways it is more inconvenient than any emotional benefit I can claim for myself, but I don't want to stop. I don't want to be responsible for stopping. I don't want to arbitrarily choose a day and say, "This shall be the last." I love our relationship. I love when she stares at me while nursing. I love when she smiles. I love when I tickle her feet and she tries so hard to not laugh because she doesn't want to lose her grip. I love when she stops suddenly to make faces at me because she knows they'll make me laugh. I love how much she loves nursing. I love the times when I'm so caught up in playing on my phone or the computer, or staring at the TV, and I think to take a moment and glance at her face, and she is just seriously staring at me. It's as though she's saying, "Hey Mom, this really isn't going to last forever. Pay attention and enjoy me." It's those times when I discard my distractions and interact with her. The payoff is immediate, because her reaction is immediate. She knows when I'm paying attention--REALLY paying attention.
Incidentally, I did attempt to wean her cold turkey a few weeks ago. We lasted 48 hours. For the most part it was a seamless transition. I wasn't ready though. I felt like something was missing, and I was becoming increasingly unhappy about choosing to stop, but felt burdened by my decision, scared to be responsible for botching our progress. Even so, I did just that. When I let her nurse again, the way she reacted made me cry. I don't even really know how to describe it. You know when people post YouTube videos on Facebook of baby animals reuniting with their parents, or children with their military parents, etc? You know those tears you cry because the happiness of the people/animals in the videos is so tangible? That's what it was like. She was so CONTENT. So pleased. So comfortable. So happy. Everything was just right in her world. I cried a lot.
2. We have all the paint we need to paint the interior of our house. Problem is, I hate painting walls. Any takers? We even have a ceiling that needs some attention.
3. I am constantly amazed at how things seem to never go according to plan, but Heavenly Father keeps us afloat. Even with all the stupid decisions we've made/continue to make. He forgives our folly, and provides the necessary means. I hope I choose to be that kind of parent in the critical moments.
4. We got air conditioning in one of our vehicles today. I cannot even begin to describe how luxurious that feels when driving down the road. It seemed like such an inaccessible dream (and it is still not a done deal...you know how credit cards are...), but it's happened. Do not take your air conditioning for granted, folks! Retrieving Emma from her car seat and not having to wipe her face and pat the back of her clothes dry is almost reward enough. In any case, that vehicle is going to scout camp next week, so I certainly won't be reaping the benefits. Darren will be, however, when he returns from a week in the forest with a group of young boys whose hygiene is already questionable. I can only imagine the stench.
5. I have this terrible condition where I am terrible at being a friend, and often decline invitations to social events when they don't suit my mood. The terrible consequence of that is that when I most want to go out, I don't have anyone to call on. I don't let myself become particularly close to anyone, so the notion of spontaneous girls' nights is unreachable. I blame the fact that I never learned how to be friends with girls, and now that I'm married, I can't just go hang out with the guys. Not that I have any guys left, but seriously. That is probably the only thing I really miss about being single. Hanging out with the guys. Couple hang outs are cool and all, but that's a whole 'nother level of complexity, because it essentially requires a million entities to accept and love all the others under those circumstances, and I'm just not that great at navigating those treacherous waters. I will say we hung out with a couple from our ward last week, and we had a blast. I was 100% at ease. I left at "intermission" (between swimming/food and movie) to go home and change from my swimsuit into real clothes before we started the movie (didn't even think to pack them), and returned to their home in sweat pants, an old t-shirt, and my house slippers. I was kind of anxious about how she might feel about my complete grunginess, but when I walked in I saw that she'd changed into basically the same thing, except she was wearing shorts. I'm so grateful for sloppy clothes.
6. I am so over the "I wish I knew who my true friends were" posts on Facebook. Isn't there some way I can set them all up together so that all those lonely people can become each other's true friends? As stated above, my true friendship really seems to only extend as far as my own personal convenience will let it. We'll cover my selfishness issues another times.
7. I am also over the assumptions people make. This is totally blown out of proportion, I know. I really shouldn't be so irritated, but the truth is that I am. When people assume things about me to my face, I want nothing more than to spite them completely by doing the opposite. I was speaking to another mom recently, and I was telling a food story about Emma. I don't even remember what the story was. I just know I was interrupted partway through a sentence with, "YOU'RE STILL BREASTFEEDING HER THOUGH, RIGHT?!". Um...yes? "Oh good, just checking...". Just checking? JUST CHECKING? I'm sorry I forgot to submit our monthly "still at it!" report to your office, lady. But, oh yeah, it's none of your business! If she had asked in any other manner I wouldn't be irritated about it, but my goodness. As though Emma's life were at stake. What would she have said if I had told her no? I really wonder. It was also nice to know that she was truly listening. It means a lot to know that I was just spewing words until her brain filter picked up the buzzwords she felt like reacting to.
8. I finally got my wedding ring re-sized and am able to wear it again this week for the first time in months. As much as I hated to concede to the reality of my now super chubby fingers, I feel like a new wife again. I can't stop staring at it. I had forgotten how staring at it makes me think about Darren more throughout the day. I love having that reminder.
9. Spock has fleas. Ugh. His meds came in today, so hopefully by the time I check on him tomorrow he'll be in the clear. I'm new to all this, and it's not my favorite thing. He's been so neglected during this time, and it makes me sad.
10. When Emma and I went to retrieve the now air conditioned car today, we made a memory. I did anyway. It was so inconvenient, but such a randomly sweet experience. I was carrying her absurdly heavy carseat a bit awkwardly over my should, kind of like a plate in a restaurant, and with my other hand, was holding Emma's hand. Since the mechanic is within walking distance (2 minutes without a child or carseat....about 10 with), I knew that was the only way we could make it with the carseat. She was a champ. There were a few times she wanted to explore away from me, but for the most part she stayed the course. She was so curious about everything she saw. We walked along the gravel alleyway behind our home for a short spell, and as soon as she realized she was on rocks she threw my hand and stopped to bend over and get some. I bent to grab her hand, and she went limp on me. She's so determined to get what she wants, and it is really pretty cute (albeit life-threatening when I'm lunging for her with a bajillion pound carseat over my head). When we got to the shop I set the carseat down in front of the counter and placed her in the seat. For the duration of our visit she watched workers go by, smiling and waving at each one. I so love that little girl.
Speaking of her, I've heard her stirring and whining. She wants me. Peace out.
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