Wherein I whine more than usual

Cruddy news:

• I have reached the second to last chapter of this pregnancy. I'm in that hazy part where I'm so close that I literally want to do nothing more than sleep, eat, and complain about contractions. However, I'm weeks away. So I can't. I seize every opportunity I get, but real life seems to want me to keep up with a billion other obligations. I JUST WANT TO FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING IS CAUGHT UP ALREADY!
• My house is a cluttery mess of disorganization. I'm trying to find places for everything/throw things away, but it requires so much attention, energy, and physical ability. Unfortunately it has all of my attention, but none of the other two requirements. So I'm driving myself crazy, yet accomplishing virtually nothing. Splendid.
• I would seriously love for someone to just come and do all that work for me. I'm so tired alllll day long.
• So many contractions. Braxton-Hicks for me can be described by naming one animal: a boa constrictor. Just imagine one inside your body. Almost every single contraction makes me feel like I'm being strangled. It's normal, just super frustrating and exhausting.
• WHY AM I NOT SLEEPING?
• I can't sleep well these days. It's a ridiculous struggle. Add to that the fact that when the temperature outside dips below 60, Mr. Hottie thinks we need the space heater turned on. Can't. breathe. Too. stuffy. Need. air. 
• Restless legs. Enough said.
• Heartburn. It feels like icy fire.
• Every day feels like another round with some weird sickness where I can't seem to feel normal. My brain is broken and the rest of me wonders when it will stop feeling so hurt and exhausted. 

Happier news:

• When I do sleep, it is wonderful.
• I am beginning to dilate, so at least these contractions are accomplishing something. 
• I am feeling more and more pressure bearing down. Okay, so that's not exactly happy news beyond the fact that it means baby is starting to move into position. Other than that it just means WAY more discomfort for me and a constant about-to-pee-my-pants sensation.

Thoughts:

• I spend more time than necessary comparing myself to other mothers, and though I recognize the folly in that, I keep hoping there is good in that as well. I'm not talking about the mothers who seem to always have it together. Rather, the ones who seem to always be able to power through the various miseries of pregnancy and motherhood with their proverbial plates of busyness full to overflowing. How do they do it so gracefully? As in, without complaining ALL the time. Every time someone asks me to fulfill any kind of church anything these days I just want to punch them in the face and say, "Don't you see I have my hands full?! I have a toddler running one direction while my energy flees in a different direction. Ask someone else!" ....except who ISN'T busy at church? Everyone has a daunting to-do list and a whole host of justifications as to why they can't, except they don't use them. I do. Regardless, at this point I don't feel guilty. I've struggled through long enough to say that this is where I draw the line for this particular pregnancy. I just can't keep trying like I have been, and I reserve the right to be a tired old grump...mostly because I can't even pretend that I'm not a tired old grump. Check back in a few months after I've sufficiently recovered from giving birth. 

I don't want to sound ungrateful. I'm really still very excited about this pregnancy and am sooooooo very excited to meet this new little spirit! I'm just so worn out physically and emotionally right now. If I could fall asleep soon, that would be great. Sleep is the best medicine for both ailments!