The Automated Lady

"Thank you for calling the Blue Cross Blue Shield Provider Services Line...what is your NPI? What is the member ID/date of birth/eye color/deepest secret?

"You are calling on member, Emily."  (we'll use my name as our example)

"Before we get started, say the option you would like to hear. Claims, covera--"

"Coverage and benefits."

"I'm sorry, but I did not understand you.  To hear about claims, press 1.  For coverage and benefits, press 2--"

Coverage and benefits.

"Claims mailing address. Is this the correct choice?"

"No, COV-ER-AGE AND BEN-EF-ITS."

"I'm sorry, but I did not understand you. To hear about claims, press 1.  For coverage and benefits, press 2--"

Finger slams on the "2" key.

"Alright, coverage and benefits."

Finger slams ont the "0" key.

"We can connect you to a customer service advocate only after making you suffer through a hundred more years of our automated system.   Would you like to repeat that or return to main menu?"

"Neither."

"If you are finished, you may hang up."

"Rude....I'm not. Customer service."

"Before we get started, say the option you would like to hear..."

"Gahhh! Coverage and benefits!"

"Claims. Is this the correct choice?

"NO."

Silence

"If you are finished, you may hang up."

"But I'm NOT!"

"Before we get started, say the option you would like to hear..."

"Coverage and benefits."

"Coverage and benefits.  Is this the correct choice?"

"Yes! Finally, yes!"

The Automated Lady gives me all the info she can about the patient's chiropractic coverage

"Would you like a faxed confirmation of these benefits?"

"No. Customer service."

"Okay, please wait a moment while I connect with a customer advocate."

"Hallelujah!"

Sit on hold for.............forever so that I can collect the information that FOR SOME REASON The Automated Lady doesn't know.

Finally get through to someone.

Wrap it up in under 90 seconds.

All I needed was a human to speak with from the beginning, obviously.