Things I knew would be a part of motherhood, but now that I'm here...I can't even.

1. Diapers. So much time spent groping, sniffing, and inspecting the darn things. Every box is the last box I'm ever going to buy, dang it!

2. Poop. Color, texture, berth, ease of passage. In the diaper or on the toilet. Knew it was coming or found it by happenstance while inspecting a diaper. 

3. Arguing about clothes/possession of MY things/OCD tendencies of the toddler/who gets to sit where. We butt heads on so many things, it's scary. Sometimes I am the communication master and am able to dialogue our way through, but other times I'm just as articulate as the toddler. 

4. Saying things like, "Stop playing behind the toilet!", "Get my phone OUT of the potty!" (the training one...), "Don't throw the cat off the porch!". Etc. So many weird commands proceed from my mouth on a daily basis.