Things

Things I've learned about myself since I became a mom:

• My capacity to adapt is remarkably better than I had ever assumed
• I can sleep in weird positions
• I can hold a baby in my sleep
• Modesty isn't quite the foe it was before.  I'm still careful, but accidental flashings while nursing cause only the slightest embarrassment, if any. It's weird. 
• I have instincts, and they tend to be correct
• My instincts misrepresent themselves sometimes and get me in trouble. Hooligans.

Things that will never be the same ever again since I became a mom:

• My body.  It does weird things now that I can't even go into detail about because it would be unlady-like
• My ability to be spontaneous (not like I was all that spontaneous before, but, you know, now I can't)
• Riding fair/amusement park rides. I rode the biggest and scariest looking ride at the fair a couple weeks ago, and beside all of my excitement was the anxiety of "I'm a mom now! If something goes terribly wrong that little girl I see in the distance being held by a man she doesn't know (Darren's coworker) will not have her parents anymore!". 
• The way I see other moms, specifically the ones who make it look easy.  As Gloria Pritchett says, "I want to be the "How Does She Do It?" mom.  That is my aspiration, but for now, I'm the "I Can't Tell, Is She Doing It?" mom. 
• The way I see other kids (excluding my nephews and nieces).  I one-up them all in my head with comparisons to Emma. She's totally cooler.

Things I always said I would never do when I became a mom, but I do anyway:

• Wipe crusty boogers with my bare fingers (I still refuse to ever intentionally wipe snot with my bare fingers)
• Use those nasty baby changing stations they have in stores.....yelgch. And yes, "yelgch" is spelled the way it sounds.
• Use too many wipes during diaper changes.
• Judge another mom out loud (I caught myself off guard with this one last week, but Darren was doing it too, so it's okay.  Her kid was standing up in the seat part of the shopping cart, and the mom wasn't telling her to sit.  I said, very snobbily as we walked past (too far away for her to hear, thank goodness!), "Oh my goodness, that lady is just begging for her kid to fall out. What kind of mom does that?".  Darren replied, "If you ever let our kids do that I will call CPS on you".  We are judgy snob parents. Dang it!)

Things that scare me since I became a mom, but that I will have to deal with sooner or later:

• Overnight stays anywhere except my own home
• Drives that lasts longer than an hour (this and the previous bullet will both be happening in about 2 weeks)
• Having more children
• Facing trials and sicknesses of my kids
• Doing something horribly wrong and messing them up for life (unrealistic, I know, but still a fear)

Things I've learned to hate since I became a mom:

• The "How Does She Do It?" moms.
• The entire section about things I said I would never do, but I do them anyway.
• Feeling like I'm being judged every single second I am outside of my apartment
• Taking her to the pediatrician (oh my goodness, talk about feeling patronized about my ability to care for the thing....I know they don't do it on purpose, but I can't help but feel like everything I do is being called into question)
• My baby getting shots
• Random people kissing my baby (if you are questioning whether or not you apply, the answer is I don't know.  I have to see you kiss her and then wait for the possible irritation to rise up...it's unpredictable. If you aren't related, it's better that you just play it safe and don't...I'm weird about mouths)
• The constant worry at the back of my mind about her health, safety, and general existence. 

Things I've learned to love since I became a mom:

• Bath time
• Early morning snuggles
• Nasty baby breath
• Her pulling on my hair (that's a sometimes love) (I feel like it helps her feel secure, so I'm usually happy for her when she holds onto it for dear life because I want her to feel secure....or something)
• Being her favorite person (for now...my reign of glory will end when she figures out that Daddy is way more fun than I am)
• The way her limbs flail when she is startled
• Her pout
• Feeling "motherly"
• Sensing what she needs and getting it right (I'm hoping you moms know what I mean...I feel like a rock star when I'm right!)
• Watching her sleep. Like a stalker. 
• Seeing her with my mom.